The Long, Long Road

Part 2

By Trynia Merin

Disclaimer: KISS, Gene Simmon and Paul Stanley are actual persons. This is a work of FICTION, and is not meant to harm or demean. It is a fictional account of what things might have been like for a personal friend of Gene and a friend of Stan getting to know KISS in their formative years. Dr. Raina (Marcy) MacLaren, Karen Valentez, Trisha Malloy and Liz of Sweet Revenge are property of the author, Trynia Merin, as are the kids of the band Flaming Youth.

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Stan stepped on the twig and winced as he heard it snap. "I think...shit.... I think he heard us."

"I don’t care, I have to get OUT of here," Ray sniffled. She ran away pushing away branches as she starts to cry. Running as fast as she can away from Gene she reached the path and ran toward the street, sobbing. Stan waited there, not sure if he should follow her or confront Gene. Ray was long gone by the time Gene pulled up his pants and glanced around.

"What the fuck was that?" Shirl asked, putting on her shirt.

"Wait here," Gene said, getting up and walking towards the source of the sound.

He buttoned his shirt and pulled on his boots, and walked in the direction of the noises. Stan saw him coming and stepped away from the bushes, while Shirl remained hidden, struggling into the rest of her clothes. Emerging from the grove of concealing trees, Gene glanced left and right to see who had interrupted his trysting. When he reached the path he saw Stanley step out from behind a tree.

"Fancy meeting you here." he said, coldly.

"Shit, what the hell?" Gene gasped, looking at Stan in surprise. "You're here... you must have Steph... hidden somewhere…"

"No...Steph's not here. You lucked out," Stan said, dark eyes piercing holes through Gene. The half smirk faded from Gene’s face when he noticed Stanley’s stormy expression. Leaves rustled around the figure of Shirl coming out of the hiding place, messing with her bedraggled hair. With surprise she noted Gene and Stanley staring each other down.

"Then what on Earth are you glaring at me like that for, kid?" Gene asked. "This is a free country…"

"Don't suppose that Brooke knows about this, not that you care," Stanley said, hands on his hips as he directed his gaze toward Shirl.

"Uh well... Brooke and I have an open relationship..." she stammered. "He's um... seeing Candee..."

"Oh, sure you do and so does Gene, and that makes everyone feel GREAT about deceiving the one they supposedly love," Stan glared at her. She shrank away, and Gene stepped between them.

"Shirl, I think it's time you stepped away and got us some ice cream. I need to talk to Stan," he said quietly. Shirl pouted but Gene waved her away. She buttoned her blouse and walked away with her coat slung over her shoulders to the ice cream stand, leaving Gene and Paul there.

"Care to explain yourself, kid?" Gene asked seriously, striding up to Stan and folding his arms over his chest. "And possibly why you’re so pissed you look ready to punch someone out?"

"Because if you never have to answer for your actions, life is a piece of cake.... I’m assuming." Stan said, still eyeing Gene.

"What the hell is your problem, Eisen?" Gene asked.

"I don't HAVE a problem. Obviously you do, but you've covered all your bases, haven't you? At least in YOUR mind."

"Stan, what bug crawled up your ass?" Gene demanded.

"IF you are too fucking stupid to see what you are..." he shakes his head, "You blow me away."

"What I am, Stanley what the fuck..." Gene cursed. "I don't know WHAT you're talking about, kid. I'm surprised to even see you in the park. Don't you have a date with Steph?"

"She's working," he said icily. "Not that it's any of your concern."

"Is there a problem with you two?" he asked slowly, buttoning his sleeves as he pulled his jacket on. "If you're commenting about me and Shirl, she and Brooke are not an item right now... And as for my personal business... I didn't stop you in the middle of sex with Steph."

"No, actually, there's not. Steph and I have fun, but we don't try to deceive ourselves into believing we love each other." he said coldly.

"All right, what the hell IS this about?" Gene demanded again. "Cut the crap Stanley and get to the point."

"But maybe it WOULD be easier. Just TELL her I love her, and get what I want. Then when I'm done.... OUT OF HERE." he said, eyes staring at Gene. "You WANT to know what I think? I think you're a piece of shit. Talented as hell, but a crappy excuse of a man."

"Now come on," Gene rolled his eyes, quickly tiring of Stanley’s abstruse accusations. "You've got something against me, spit it out."

"Yeah, I do. I told you when you called me after leaving, and I'll tell you again. What you did to Ray was inexcusable. What you had was something special, and you ended it all with the stroke of a pen. Write it, seal it, and leave. Sure worked out nice and neat, didn't it?"

Gene curled his lip, biting it in anger. How dare this TEENAGER question something that wasn’t his affair? The audacity of it both startled and irritated Gene further. "That isn't your business Stanley," he snapped.

"I had my reasons, end of story. I don’t have to justify my actions to anyone, least of all YOU."

"And I would imagine that when Brooke said OPEN relationship, he never meant that his own band mate would screw his girlfriend."

"Mind your own business Stanley," Gene raised his voice. "Drop it."

"I plan to," he said, huffing, "But if all this band consists of is back stabbing and dishonesty, please tell me now so I can call the Astronauts and beg for a spot."

Gene glared at him, voice low but clearly filled with anger, "so that's what this is about. You poke your nose into my personal business and expect me to lay it out before you?"

"Gene, Ray is HURTING? Do you even give a damn? Just a LITTLE?"

Gene sighed deeply, realizing he had to yet again explain the ways of the world to this youth who had some over romanticized view of the universe, "All right since you won’t shut up about this, I give more of a damn then you can imagine. Enough to let her go."

"Do you CARE that Brooke might care about this girl? Does that even factor into the equation?" Stan shouted, poking a finger into the air to emphasize each word.

"Ray needs to find herself Stanley. She doesn't have the courage to leave her parents. She has to find the courage... and I can't be in the way of that."

"And what about Steph? If I told her I loved her, would you screw her too? Are you going to do this to ME someday, Gene?" Stan demanded, stepping right before Gene so only six inches separated them.

"That’s not the immediate point here. AS I was SAYING, before you INTERRUPTED, since you INSIST on poking your damn nose into my private business… If I continued to see her, I would end up ruining things for her and myself... because her fucking FATHER thinks so little of me. I can't tear her apart like that. Until she decides on her own what she wants out of life."

"Sure...you left Ray because you're such a NICE guy, a martyr. For her own GOOD, right? And you probably fucked Shirl because she was COLD, right? Damn, you're a gem." he said, shaking his head.

Gene sighed, "You don't understand... and what is THIS bellyaching about you and Steph got to do with anything?"

"I REPEAT.... If I loved Steph, would you fuck her?" he said, raising his voice.

"Do you care about ANYONE?"

"No," Gene waved his hand abruptly before Stan’s face to dismiss that thought. "I do give a damn. That’s why I'm here with Shirl, and not Steph."

"Sure.... You do. See you in practice." he glared, beginning to turn around.

"Stanley...' Gene said sharply. Stan began to walk away, arms thrown up in the air.

"Stanley..." Gene said louder, rushing after him. Obviously this kid wasn’t going to give this up, and he knew he had to say something before Stanley did something hasty and foolish. "Another thing... Ray deserves better then what I can give her. I can't change who I am. You should know that by now. I don’t take crap from anyone, least of all you. And this should NOT get in the way of a working relationship."

He turned around, " If you are going to try to convince me that somehow you are the good guy in this whole mess.... Save your breath."

"Since you are so persistent, let me tell you the way it is. Ray is the kind of woman who needs someone to take care of her right now. And that’s not me. I can't give her what she needs. A family, a home. It's better off for her. She's not ready to walk the path I think she should. So maybe it's better if she ends up marrying some guy who can take care of her... I obviously can't. I would destroy her."

"So you handle it like a MAN, Gene. Sit her down face to face and tell her why. You don't leave a fucking note, like you're sending her a bill for the New York Freakin' Times."

"I can't, Stanley. It’s not that simple. LIFE isn’t a romance novel like you seem to think. This is real life," Gene said looking helplessly at him. "I l… I care about her too much to see the look on her face. It’s better off for both of us this way…"

"You can. You choose not to," Stanley yelled back.

"I repeat this is NOT your business," Gene snapped. "And I will NOT have this get in the way of band business. Our personal lives outside the band mean nothing, got it?"

"Perhaps I’m MAKING it my business then, if we’re going to be working together, because I think it STINKS!" Stan yelled. "And if we have a prayer of working together, maybe you should EXPLAIN just why this whole mess makes any SENSE at all, since you’re so damn WISE to the world!"

"She knew this day was coming, Stanley. There are two kinds of women, those that do, and those that cry and weep because guys like us have to move on. And she was the kind that understood. I just thought it would be easier if I left."

"And so did YOU, I bet, and YOU couldn't take the steps to see it through," Stan shook his head.

"Fine, believe what you want, kid," Gene relented. "I’m not going to waste my time trying to explain. I shouldn’t have to. And if you have any concerns about being in my band, stay the HELL out of my private life!"

"I SEE what's there, Gene. I'm trying to clean up your damn mess!" he growled.

"I'll play with you.... Don’t ask me to respect you though."

"Will you be at practice or not, Eisen?" Gene asked firmly, his anger building the wall between them. Stan walked past him, kicking a rock.

He turned mid way and looked at Gene, "Starting Thursday, I've got a night job, but I'll make practice. 9:00 sharp."

"Fine," Gene said curtly. "See you there."
Stan said nothing, but turned to walk up the hill. He shoved his hands in his pockets. He finally turned and said, "You’re really something Gene. I thought you’d met the love of your life. I would think YOU of all people would have your HEART torn out to see the way you’re making her suffer right now. But maybe you DON’T have a heart…"

"I have a dream, and she doesn’t share it. They’re not compatible with hers. What I want would destroy her, kid," Gene said dully. "She’s not the kind of woman that I need to associate with or the kind that needs to associate with me. You’ll learn that you can’t take every woman with you. Not when you want to make it big and pursue what you are meant to do. Sometimes the women get in the way, and you get in the way of them. And it’s time to let them go."

"Then you got what you expected...." he said bitterly, " Unlike Ray."

"I can’t give her what she wants or needs. I explained the way it was," Gene said sharply. "I’m not her type."

"No, you're not and I always thought you were." he said. "Marcia and I would have given out fucking EYE teeth to have what you and Ray had. We thought you were the ultimate. Over 21. Your own place. A love that would last forever. Shit, were we wrong."

"I guess I didn't ask to be your damn role model kid," Gene said bitterly. "Let’s just drop this whole conversation now before I get pissed off and you’re out of a job…"

"Yeah, best idea you’ve had. See you, Gene." he said sadly, "When you fuck Shirl here again in about 10 minutes, wear a condom, OK?"

"See you, at rehearsal, Thursday," Gene repeated, walking away with a sigh. Unable to face Stan, he turned to the ice cream stand to meet up with Shirl, who had watched the whole drama unfold with her eyes wide open. Turning away, Stan walked briskly up the hill, becoming more and more angry.

*********

By the time Stan found Ray, he saw her crying near a tree at the top of the hill and started running toward her. Ray sobbed, sitting on the ground, hugging her coat. He walked up behind her and embraced her, dropping to his knees.

"Oh god... he couldn't get over me fast enough..."

"Let's go, hon." he said, "Let's just leave."

"Please, get me out of here," she sobs, into his chest. "What did I do wrong Stan, what did I do wrong?"

He helped her up and supports her as they walked towards the park exit. "You picked a selfish bastard. Other than that, nothing."

She hung on him crying and then limped because her foot was hurting from running in the boots. She handed him her bags and leaned on his arm. He said, rubbing her shoulders as they walked, "Ray...if it helps any, he's still hurting.... Big time."

"Good," she mumbled. "It is what he fucking deserves for what he did to me."

"Gene can screw without emotion connection. That's pretty obvious," he said.

"I can't... how does he do it?" she sobbed.

"And someday he's going to regret what he did, even if he never admits it."

"He will regret it," she sobbed. "Damn boots..."

"I asked him.... What if I fell in love with Steph...would he screw her? He claims no. You know, I would have believed him, up until he left you," Stanley said, glancing vainly around for a cab. "Now.... I don't trust it."

"He’s lost..." she whispered.

"You want me to carry you?" he whispered, noticing a taxi stand nearby.

"I couldn't impose," she sniffled, stumbling.

"Nah, you're fine. I could try for awhile anyway. We get up here near the road, I'll hail a cab."

"All right," she nodded, putting her coat on. He handed her the bags and sighed.

"I guarantee, Ray...some day he will regret it," he said. He reached over to put her arms around his neck so he can carry her. "I hope that this doesn't ruin it for us."

"No it doesn't," she whispered, holding him around his neck. "I am glad you are here. I still want to spend time with you. I'd LOVE to hear your songs tonight, if you are up for it. I don't know what I'd do without you..."

"Sure you do.... You’d have probably slugged him," Stanley laughed as he carried her toward the taxi stand where several people had assembled.

"Yes, I would have beat the crap out of him," she sniffled. Stan did not see what she does glancing over her shoulder. She glimpsed a horse drawn carriage rustling by with a young couple inside, and for a fraction of a second it looked like Gene and Shirl riding inside it. The carriage goes along the bend, and she watched as Shirl is feeding Gene some of her ice cream. Her blood ran cold and she locked away the anger she feels to Gene, thinking she wasn't good enough for him.

"I really had fun today...up until...well...just then," Stan whispered, carrying her towards a line of taxis that had just pulled up.

"So did I," she whispered back, turning her attention to Stan once again.

**

Gene and Shirl rode along in their carriage, feeding each other ice cream. One part of the path took them along the street where the pedestrians were gathering to hail their taxis. It had been Gene’s idea to take a tour of the park in this old fashioned conveyance, to get t heir minds off of what had just transpired with Stan.

As Shirl glanced back she saw Stanley, standing with a woman in his arms. She had long hair done up in a bun, her long legs covered in leather boots to her thighs. Nudging Gene she said, "who is that chick Stan is with?"

Gene glanced over his shoulder to see Paul carrying a girl, but he didn’t recognize Ray because her hair is different and she's wearing the outrageous leather. Besides by the time he could try to get a good look the crowd disappeared behind the cover of the blossoming trees.

"Damned if I know..." he mumbles. "And he tells ME about screwing around."

"Gene, I think I’m going to have to pass on going to your place tonight," she said.

"Why?" he asked.

"Steph and I we have someplace to go…" Shirl said quietly.

"All right," Gene nodded. The carriage pulled to a stop, and Shirl got off. Kissing Gene goodbye, she left and climbed into the nearest cab, leaving Gene to stroke his chin thoughtfully. Sighing, he searched for a pay phone, jingling change in his pockets. There was a call he had to make.

***

"Maybe when we get back, we'll do something mindless." he said, after a moment.

"I think that would work," she tried to laugh.

"Something stupid has GOT to be on TV." He said, as he put her down slowly to motion for one of the cabs. The cab driver got out, smiled and opened the door for them.

"Newlyweds?" he asked them with a knowing smile. Ray laughed and wept away a tear. Stan looked at her, unsure if the joke is now in bad taste. To reassure him she smiled at him and kissed his cheek.

"We're.... Hey...if you could get us to this address in Manhattan." he said, trying to change the subject and handed the cabby a slip of paper.

"Sure,' the man said. Stanley helped Ray into the cab, and climbed in next to her with a sigh. He pulls away quickly and Ray fell against Stan as they swerve and drove away. Pulling her close to him he hugged her tightly. Holding onto him she gave him a passionate kiss, putting her frustration into it.

"If you've still got that sleeping bag, we could curl up on the couch and watch some TV." he said, leaning to kiss her. "Just us."

Memories of the sleeping bag dredged up others she wanted to forget, so she turned her focus to one of the bags at her feet. Reaching in, she opened it up and said, "I have something for you..."

Leather studded with metal in a swirling design flashed before Stan’s surprised eyes. Putting it into his hand she smiled and gave him a kiss. "You do? Oh, GOD, Ray! You BOUGHT this?" he said, admiring it.

"This is.... Damn...MUCH better than the one I have." he smiled broadly and kissed her.

"I wanted you to have it... And this..." she pulls out the jeans with the shoes.

"Holy SHIT, this is too much… I…"

She kisses him back, "For being such a sweetheart."

He threw back his head and laughed, scolding her, "I will owe you for months. I'm GOING to repay you!"

"No. It’s from me..." She wept away a tear of happiness this time. "Because... I care about you."

He regarded at her, seeing her sincerity and smiled, "I'll take it as it's intended then. Thank you. But DAMN. . These jeans and shoes…"

"It’s to wear with your show," she blushed. "When you start performing…"

"You are something else, Ray," he smiled, holding up the jeans and shoes. Folding them carefully he put them back into the bag with the guitar strap.

"I wonder if he really did love me," she mumbled, a few minutes later after the mirth and happiness had subsided into silence. "Not that it matters now. Because if that was love, it sucked."

"I KNOW he did, Ray. He can't bullshit me. It got too heavy for him and he bailed out, like a chickenshit. But he did love you...and he still does."

She lay her head on his shoulder, saying quietly, "Right now i don't know if I love him or hate him. All I know is that I miss him, but I need to get over this and get on with my life."

"You don't have a choice, love." he said, sadly, "It's kind of like with Marcia, only not nearly as intense. Sometimes you just have to keep trying to forget about it. And eventually you really do."

"You're a good person to help me forget," she lay her head on his chest. "Damn I need a drink. Or a smoke or something..."

"You have anything back at the apartment? We can pick something up," he suggested. Soon the cab stopped before their apartment. Ray handed the driver some money from her purse, even though Stan dug through his coat pocket. Sighing, he let her and instead opened the door to let her out. Ray sighed, picked up the bags and climbed out into the street followed by Stan.

"Do you have some smokes?"

"Didn't know you smoked," he said.

"Only when I'm stressed." She took a smoke from him,

"This would qualify then." he taps the pack and a cig falls out. He hands it to Ray. She took the smoke from him and put it in her lips.

"Got a light?" she asked. He smiled and lit her cigarette. She inhaled and coughs.

"Easy, sis." he chuckled lightly, "Don't kill yourself just because you're mad."

She laughed and inhaled more slowly, going toward the apartment to open the door and walk upstairs. He walked behind her, desperately wishing he could do something. She handed him her bags, unlocked the door, and then opened it up, walking in. He entered the apartment, shifting his weight as he put her bags down.

"Anything.... You still hungry? Want some alcohol? Anything I can do?" he asked. Ray walked over to the sofa and sat down. Stan took her coat and his to hang them up.

"I would love some alcohol," she sighed, putting her feet up and tipping her cigarette ashes into a coffee cup left sitting from the morning. "And some food..."

"Umm.... Let’s see. There's a store not far from here, right? I can head out real quick and get you something?"

"There is a store down the street..." she sighed. "See you soon lover..."

He leaned over to kiss her, grabbed his coat and hurried out the door. He looked around a bit uncomfortably, looking at his watch and sighing as he recalled he was supposed to call Steph tonight.

Ray had just lit another smoke, television blaring when she heard the phone ring. Slowly she got up and tossed the pack of smokes from the bottom of her purse aside, to pick up the phone. She heard heavy breathing followed by a pause on the other end.

"Hello?" she asked slightly slurring.

"Ray...." he said, after a moment.

"Who is this?" she asked slowly although she knew the voice in an instant. New tears burned down her cheeks hearing him there on the other end, knowing they could not meet face to face.

"It's...Gene, Ray. I just wanted you to know.... I took the apartment out of my name. It's yours if you want to stay there."

"Why are you calling?" she asked bitterly. "I thought you wanted to disappear..."

"And the lease is month to month so you're not locked in. I just wanted to clear that up...so you didn't work," he said quietly.

She started to cry on the phone, unable to control the wavering in her voice, "Dammit Gene, did I do something wrong?"

"No....Ray...." He said, grasping for words.

"Why did you do this to me, why?" she demanded, punching the wall with her fist.

"I can't do the relationship thing. I can't be married. I just.... I can't. And what you need in your life is purpose...a man who can dedicate everything to you.... And that's not me," he explained, voice helpless.

"Dammit Gene I didn't say I wanted marriage..." she sobbed. "All I wanted was to BE with you damn it!"

"I can't even give you a promise I'll be faithful. Is that good enough?"

"No it isn't..." she sniffled. "I gave you my Heart god damn it, and you rip it out and throw it back at me!"

"Ray, God.... Please... f you want to hate me and it makes you feel better, I won't mind," he said quietly.

"I still love you damn it," she sniffled. "I can't turn off my feelings..."

"And I still love you." he said quietly, "But there's not a damn thing I can do about this."

"I guess not," she sniffled.

"Because it's either hurt you now, or hurt you later. And I guess I choose now."

"I guess this is it..." she sighed. "You’re on your way…"

"Ray…" Gene sighed."Have a nice life Gene. I hope you're happy with it," she said dully."You too, sweets." he said softly. She hung up the phone and then lit another smoke, pacing back and forth. All the reasons she shouldn’t be lighting up fled from her mind with the smoke curling from the tip of her cigarette. Sniffling she returned to the sofa and to the babble of the evening news to drown out her sorrow.

***Stan returned, with his arms full with a sack of groceries and a 6 pack of beer. Ray heard his knock and quickly got up to open the door. She smiled as she turned to him and took the beer from his hand."It's cold...hope it's OK to mix. First wine, then this," he laughed. "If you're sick, it's my fault."

"I...uh.... called Steph when I was out. I hope you don't care."

"It's okay," she said. "You're with me, not her."

"I'm a little CONFUSED, Ray, " he said, scratching his head a bit.

"What?" she asked. "Why?"

"Because I don't want to hurt her, but damn, I could fall for you. But with what you've gone through, I don't want to put you through the same damn thing," he mumbled, setting the groceries on the kitchen counter. "So, I'm going to try to stay off your back a bit, not pressure you."

"I just want someone to stay with me... give me comfort," she said slowly.

"Even though it's killing me," he admitted with his back to her.

"I want to be with you... as much as I can... before..."

"And that's what I'm here for." he said, opening a beer for her.

"Just... be with me..." she begged, walking up behind him.

"That's the plan," he said.

"Make me forget..."

"If only for a little while, right?" he smiled sweetly at her as he leans over for a kiss.

Yes," she smiled, kissing him back. "So what is for dinner?"

"Oh...well...You're going to kill me, but I only got chips," he said, blushing.

"I have some hamburger. And I can make chili. Or barbecue."

"That's OK with Me." he said, watching her with dark eyes. She gets up and goes over to put the hamburger in a pan to thaw it out. Then she gets a skillet and starts to brown the hamburger. Stan turned on the TV and distractedly watched it. He is feeling quite torn, having just talked to Stephanie. "Is it a problem you being here with me... If you'd rather be with Stephanie..."

"No..... I’d rather be with you," he said.

"Bless you," she said, going over and kissing him.

"Don't know how long that's POSSIBLE, but for now." he said, shrugging a bit.

"I don’t expect it to be forever, Stan..." she sighed. "Why don't you play me that song you were talking about."

He walked over to get his guitar and started to tune it a bit. Ray smiled and continued to cook dinner, browning the now thawed hamburger in the frying pan. She added onions, then slowly adds tomato sauce and beans. The chili cooked slowly while she listened to him doodling random notes into a coherent pattern. When dinner was ready she called him, and they set the table to eat a silent meal together. Hungrily Stan ate her concoction, putting down two bowl of it together with slices of bread and butter. He had to admit she was a good cook, judging from the light spice of the chili and the heartiness of the meal. It certainly made him temporarily forget his problems, and they were soon listening to the evening news as Ray poured him some more beer.

"This is really good," he said, collecting the dishes to help wash them.

"My own creation," she blushed.

"No really, I’d love to see what else you can whip together," he smiled.

"After we clean up, I’d love to hear more of your music," she smiled back. They finished the dishes and left them in the drainer to dry. Stanley returned to his guitar, and saw Ray disappear into the bedroom for a minute. Question on his face he saw her carry out a guitar case and set it down on the coffee table. She opens the case and Stan sees a Les Paul nestled in purple velvet. She tugged an amplifier from one side over to Stan.

"Impressive piece." he whistled.

"I played it in college..." She blushed, plugging it into an amplifier. He watched her tune up, and star to play a strange melodic tune he recognized from when he had first saw her with Gene that night two months ago. He plugged in, strumming along with her.

"You like it?" she asked.

"Strange that you haven't found yourself a band yet. You're better than most of the losers out there," he commented.

"Thanks," she smiled. "Now you… something instrumental…"

"This is a ditty I call acrobat," he said. "It’s a bit rough…"

Ray listened, joining in after a time. Together they traded lines, letting Stan have the lead. Sipping beer now and then, he looked up at her with his dark eyes, nodding in admiration of her fingers moving nimbly as his. After five minutes he winced.

"This just doesn't sound right.... Damn...." he said, as he fingered his guitar. Ray sipped on her beer and smiled.

"Try this," she suggested playing a few chords.

"It needs to be crunchier, rougher, somehow."

"Strip out the fringe and add some more basic notes," she suggested. He listened to her, then began to play along. He frowned for a minute, but began to smile as she continued. Her style was jangly and bright, with a hard rough edge. She put a bit of vibrato into the notes that impressed him.

"That's better, I suppose." he said, "Just can't get it to sound...right. Just sounds disjointed."

"Well, I guess it wasn’t one of my better suggestions…"

"I'm sorry, love." he sighed, leaning over to kiss her lightly, "I know I'm being a pain in the ass."

"You're trying too hard. It's all right," she smiled, kissing him back.

"I've been wrestling with this one for days. Not your fault." he smiled.

"Well its better then stop look and listen... No offense love..."

He looked at her for a moment, pouting. She nibbled on some chips and French onion dip she put out.

"You have a problem with THIS," he said, with a mischievous grin, as he strummed the beginning notes from Stop.

"Oh Spare me!" she cried. "Say, what can you do with this?"

"That's decent...why don't you try this?" he said, and played her a new series of notes. She lifted her eyebrows.

"Nice..."

"Nah, I don't think I like that any better." he said, shaking his head.

"Guitar is so much more of a hassle then keyboards," she mumbled.

"You do it justice, though." he said, smiling at her, "for someone who doesn't think she's any good at it."

"Thank you," she blushes, sipping more beer. "You are entirely too sweet..."

She started to play a song from one of the Beatles albums to tease him. He smiled sweetly at the song "Yesterday," and shivered when she sang the vocals. His own tenor chimed in under her alto, their guitars working the harmony almost perfectly. When they finished they exchanged a shy smile.

"You really ought to pursue a band for yourself, sweetheart. There are tons of GUYS not as good as you. Gene always said you lacked the confidence. You Shouldn’t, you know." he looked at her with dark eyes.

"Thank you," she smiled again. "I just wish |I did have the confidence then maybe..."

"It's just a matter of finding the right combo of people you click with. I'd love being in another band with a chick." he smiled.

"You told me abut post war baby boom... and |I told you abut my band," she said.

"Ray.... How weird is it going to be for you, with me in a band with Gene?" he asked quietly.

"I'll live with it," she said. "Besides, | don't want to hold you back from that. You two are good together."

"Yeah...but we're good together too," he said, softly strumming his guitar. She smiled and blushes, playing along with him.

"We are, aren’t we?" she laughed. Stopping, he put his hand on hers.

"And whatever happens with us...I don't want it to be awkward because some day you and Gene...." he said, as he is interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Excuse me," she said with a look of apology. Sighing to himself about bad timing, Stan watched her get up and answer the door.

She peered through the peephole and gasped with surprise. Hurt and confused, she wondered for a minute what they were doing here. Especially since one of them had occupied herself only hours before, and the other was supposed to be working. Realizing she couldn’t just leave them sitting there, because they must have heard the guitar music, she unlocked the door.

"Can I help you?" she said formally.

"Hello, Ray?" Steph asked. "We were um... well Stanley called me and said that he was here and..."

Stan put his guitar down and blushed. "Ooh, god." he whispered. Shirl watched Ray with a bit of worry.

"Hi...Ray," she said.

"Do I know you?" Ray asked her, giving her the benefit of the doubt, even though Shirl well knew that Ray had seen her only an hour or so before.

"This is my sister Shirl, I'm Steph. You remember us, right?" asked Steph.

"Oh... I guess I met you guys at the New York Dolls concert," Ray scratched her head. "What brings you here?"

"We.... Uh... this used to be Gene's place?" Shirl looked around nervously.

"Steph...what...why..." Stan said, standing up as he quickly put down his guitar.

"He's moved out," Ray said quietly, maintaining her composure. There was no way in hell she’d let them see her feathers ruffled.

"Stanley," she said. "Are you ok man? I didn't realize..."

"Come in," Ray said, indicating they should enter. Steph looked at Stan, her eyes wide.

"I...uh...I'm helping Ray here with some songs... she's... a friend of mine...a friend of Gene's." he blabbered, combing his hair violently.

"Hey, it's ok," Steph smiled warmly. "Your private life is your business. I was just hoping you were ok."

"So, what brings you here?" Ray asked them again. "Not to be rude... but Gene no longer lives here."

"Do we need...maybe we should talk...." Stan said, not taking his eyes off Steph.

"If you like," she said, and Ray indicated the bedroom.

"You two can talk privately in there... Shirl can I get you a drink?" Ray asked, watching Stan and Steph walking toward the bedroom tentively.

"Oh, yeah...something hard," Shirl said.

"I have some vodka," Ray said. "And orange Juice."

"Sure...Ray...I'll take it," she said. Shirl looked at Steph with worry. Steph smiled and motioned for Stan to join her in the bedroom. Wandering into the kitchen, Ray pulled out a tray of ice, then pulled the bottle of vodka from the back of the closet where Gene had not noticed it. She had kept some on hand for a late nightcap if he wasn’t around, and set it on the counter with a thump. Grabbing two tumblers she poured the clear Smirnovs into each glass, followed by orange juice. Her frustration cracked with the ice that popped out of the tray she twisted.

"Here you go," Ray said, handing Shirl the drink.

"Nice place...I mean, considering...places in this town are expensive,’ Shirl commented, sitting down in the armchair.

"I get by," she smiled, and sits down opposite Shirl. Ray sipped on her beer and fiddled on her guitar a bit. If she remembered Shirl from the park she made no indication she did.

"And you guys have done a great job with the posters. You need some Dolls. I could get you some show posters, if you want. Dolls rock." she said.

"Sure, thanks," Ray smiled, attempting to smooth the awkwardness with her polite nature despite her seething jealousy. "Uh, well, you guessed Gene doesn't live here. He moved out over the weekend..."

"I heard." she said quietly, glancing at Ray carefully for a reaction over the brim of her glass. "Kind of stupid, I think."

"That’s Gene, obviously I didn't meet his needs," Ray said bitterly, sipping her drink. "He's decided his band is more important then staying here. I knew it was only a matter of time..."

"Well, maybe it's best, if he's going to be gone all the time. They say musicians are the worst, lover wise, because they're never there and they cheat," Shirl tossed her head casually.

"How do people do it?" she asked Shirl frankly. "I mean... I know it's the era of free love... but how can a person be able to juggle multiple sex partners without tearing out their soul?"

"I've dated rock guys before... and Glam guys. They're all the same. Unfortunately you want a GOOD guy, you’ve got to find yourself some bookworm or something, because all the hot guys are vermin," said Shirl, sipping her drink.

"There was a guy who gave me a watch, and he fawned over me... but he wasn't my type..." she confessed. "But my parents were all over me to try and marry him... and then I met Gene... and I thought he loved me. I guess he was wrong... i was wrong. Maybe I should just go back to him, and forget Gene."

She looked at her for a moment, guilty. "Gene's got his own agenda, and baby, you're not on it. Maybe it is best to find someone else."

"I think so," Ray wiped away a tear. "I need to forget him, and get on with my life..."

"So is Stan a... friend?" Shirl asked, lowering her voice to a whisper.

"A good friend," Ray corrected.

"He seems like a sweetie," Shirl said, wondering about their relationship.

"He's dating my sister, you know."

"Yes," Ray said elusively, giving no indication either way. "Lucky him."

"But then, Steph plays the field, you know. She's always had plenty of good looking men," she said.

"How do you get them?" Ray asked suddenly. "How is it you're so confident that you can attract any man you want?"

"I guess I don't take it too seriously. I know what guys like...all girls DO, but I make them...I don't know...beg me for it. And they always do." she said, flipping her hair back. "Guys are like puppies. If they get it all the time, they get lazy. They need to know who's in charge...and that it's NOT OK to chew the furniture."

Ray managed a smile. "You and your sister have been dancing exotically for a while, haven't you?"

"Yeah, for awhile. It's sort of fun. You ought to try it sometime."

"I might," Ray smiled. "I can dance... but it's been a while."

"And you're pretty. Guys would pay to see you strip," she said, looking at Ray.

"Even a larger woman like me?" Ray asked.

"Hell, yeah. Wouldn't take that long to get you into shape."

***

Meanwhile in the bedroom, Steph confronted Stan, who paced the room while she sat on the bed as calmly as she could. It saddened her to see him so uncomfortable, and she wondered what the big deal was. "Stan, are you sure you are ok?" she asked him.

"Steph.... I can explain," he said, throwing his arms up.

"No it's ok," she smiled.

"I think I know what’s going on here... I put two and two together when I saw Gene wasn't here... and Shirl was with Gene," said Steph. "Obviously Ray was upset, and you're here to help her feel better..."

"She just...she needs somebody really bad, Steph, and it...I didn't know how to tell you... " Stan sighed. "I'm not saying I DON'T want to see you...hell, I don't know..."

"It's okay," she smiled, stroking his cheek as he sat next to her on the bed with a sigh. "Ray needs you MUCH more then I do right now. And anyway, I did say it was an open relationship. Goes for you as well as me."

"Yeah, but...it doesn’t MATTER to you?" he looked at her, incredulously.

"No, well in a way it does... but considering Shirl slept with Gene... and she was found out, it makes sense," she smiled ironically.

"I'm not really sure what to say, Stephanie. I care about you, you know that, and I...I don't know where THIS is going...THIS being you, and this being Ray. I just don't know."

"Then don't worry about it. I still want to see you, but whatever happens, I think we should just concentrate on having fun. I can't commit to a serious relationship right now with any man," she said casually.
I'm young and | have an itch to scratch..."

He looked at her a moment, not believing his ears. "So us.... We’re basically just about sex, aren't we? Not that I'm COMPLAINING."

"We're talking about sex, yes," she smiled. "I hope you don't mind... but that's all \I really want right now. And Good sex mind you."

He fell silent a minute. "I want good sex too, but.... I could use SOMETHING more."

"I know Hon, I mean we can have fun... but I can't really commit to anything more right now..."

"I know that you can't...you and Gene..." he mumbled to himself. "So basically I am wasting my time."

"Stan, you'll find someone. And in the meantime what’s wrong with a little good sex?"

"Nothing's wrong with that, but I see what just a little casual sex can do to someone...look at Ray, for God's sake. I'm not saying we have to get ENGAGED, but I'd like to think I'm worth.... Hey.... Don’t worry."

"You are worth it," she sighed. "But I'm not the type of woman that can marry. You'll find her... don't worry."

"I'm not here to make your life complicated." he said, "I guess I just need some time. I don't really know where Ray and I are going...if anywhere."

"I'm giving you that time Stan then," she smiled. "And the space you need."

"But I'd like to still see you in case...." he added, waiting for her reaction.

"Sure I'll be here," she smiled, kissing him. "When you're ready."

He looked at her a bit and shook his head, disappointment welling up in him. She didn’t even seem the least bit jealous, far unlike any woman he had seen before.

"This is entirely too easy." he frowned.

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I’m trying to make it easier for you..."

"I know you are. I'm just not used to this."

"Like I said, I am giving you time. And I DO like you. And i do care about what happens to you. You're a rare man, Stanley."

"I'll try to call you at least once a week." he said, dropping his hands down, "I guess that's about all I can promise you right now."

"It's ok... " She nodded, getting up and blowing him a kiss. "It's enough for now... take care of yourself sweetie."

He turned from her and shook his head a bit. "Yeah.... Thanks, Steph." he said, not turning to look at her. She walked out into the main room where Ray was playing guitar for her sister.

"I think we should get going," she intimated to Shirl. "Gene's not here, and apparently Stan's busy."

"Oh...well.... Yes, we should." Shirl jumped up, welcoming a reason to leave.

"Goodbye Stan," Steph waved as he wandered out of the bedroom. "See you sometime."

Shirl looked at Ray as if to say something, then sighed. Steph shook her head no, and opened the door.

"Goodbye," Ray said. "Take care."

"Uh-huh" he called. Shirl and Steph exchanged a look, then walked out the door. Ray closed it behind them.

***

"I think we should go," Steph whispered to her as they walked down the stairs together.

"What did he SAY to you?" Shirl hissed.

"Nothing," she waved. "It's none of our business."

"Is he SCREWING her?" she whispered.

"And it's none of YOUR business," Steph hisses back to her. "Since you were SCREWING Gene."

"Awww, yeah, it is. You have to TELL me. Besides...Gene's single." she brooded.

"You figure it out," Steph mumbled, reaching the front street.

"Is single now," Steph adds. "After he DUMPED ray."

"I didn't make him dump Ray." she squawked, "It's not my fault he's a creep!"

"No, but you DID sleep with him," she pointed out.

"You're pissed." Shirl smiled triumphantly. "You're trying to act like you don't care, but you HATE him with her."

"So what if I do? 'Steph asked with a flick of her hair. "It’s not like it's permanent... I'm sure that if things work out..."

"I just think it's funny, that's all. Miss Screw Whoever You Want. You have a heart after all." she smiled.

"I guess I do. But i have a weird feeling when he screws her he thinks of more then when he screws me," she sighed. "I think there is MORE then just sex with them."

"But why didn't you fight for him, Steph? Make him choose. Do you REALLY think he's going to pick Gene's leftovers over YOU? Get serious!" Shirl groaned.

"She's MORE then leftovers," said Steph sadly. "And this isn't a competition. I can juggle more then one man, and he can have more then one woman. It's equal rights for goose and gander. Besides there is always Ron."

"Yeah, but maybe if you told him it's you or her, maybe he'd pick you, Steph." Shirl said, watching her sister.

"I don't want to, he's confused enough as it is. And I have a date with Ron," she waved her hand dismissively. "He's more my age anyway. Stan's a boy. He's only 18, Shirl. Ron's at least in his twenties. And I don't have to teach him..."

"Ron's hot.... I know.... Just... you can wear my sweater tonight, if you want...the white one." Shirl smiled. "You look great in that."

"Thanks girlfriend," Steph smiled, even though she felt empty suddenly inside. "You're a good sister... Now let's go..."

****

Ray closed the door on them, and sighed. Stan wandered back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. He kicked a chair by the bed in frustration. Hearing the thump of the chair back against the wall, Ray poked her head and shoulder into the door, and entered.

"Stan, you ok?" she asked him.

"I'm fine, Ray, sorry that had to happen."

"It's all right," she sighed, sitting on the bed next to him and hugging him from behind.

"I guess I expected a cat fight... But I'm beyond that shit. If you wanted to be with her, that's all right by me. But I'm as jealous as hell."

"Ray, I don't. I told her I want to see where WE go first," Stan sighed, turning to take her in his arms.

"What did she say?" Ray asked.

"And...she didn't care."

"Aww Stan," she sighed, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Just sort of said it's whatever I want to do. Just like I was one in a million of the guys she's screwed."

"That stinks," Ray commiserated, hugging him tightly. "You are NOT... you are one in a million... to me..."

"Not like I expected her to be in LOVE with me, but it wouldn't have killed my ego to see her get a LITTLE mad," Stan mumbled, drawing back as Ray fingered his cheek gently. "And she won't wait around for me, which is fine. I keep hearing stories of her and one of the Dolls. I can't compete with that."

"I am jealous, if it helps. She's gorgeous like her sister... blonde... and I'm well... Not like her..." Ray looked away.

"Shit.... I have a hard enough time competing with Gene for you." he muttered, turning her chin to face him. He looked at her with dark eyes.

"Ray, you're absolutely beautiful in my eyes."

"You're handsome, very handsome to me. And any woman who thinks you're ordinary is a damn fool," ray answered, her hand caressing his soft hair. "You've got dream boat eyes, you know... and every time I hear your voice, watch you move... I melt inside... and I WANT you so badly..."

He looked at her and blushed, "I really hope...I know it's probably a pipe dream.... But I would love to think that I would mean something to you ten years from now. Hell, five years even."

"You would..." she whispered, kissing his cheek and pulling him to her tightly.

"Even if it's just friends you'll ALWAYS be special to me. Because of what you've done..."

"I hope so." he smiled back as he leans down to kiss her. She leaned up to kiss him hungrily, rubbing her body against him with desire.

"I love you, Ray" he whispered, "And don't worry. You don't have to say it back."

She wiped away tears and hugged him. He hugged her back tightly, his eyes shut.

"It feels...so nice to be here with you in this bed." he sighed.

"Why don't we spend some more time in it?" she whispered, unbuttoning his shirt.

"I thought you'd never ask," he whispered as he watched her unbutton his shirt.

She spread his shirt apart and kissed his chest, rubbing it, pushing it down his arms and rubbing them too.

"You are so damn sexy it's a crime... to have you in these TIGHT clothes..."

"Even though I'm much hairier than I need to be." he laughed.

"I love your fur," she purred in his ear, climbing onto his lap and straddling him on the bed. She pushes him down under her and put his arms over his head.

"And I love your.... Well, your everything." he purred back. She suddenly cuffed his one hand to the headboard with the cuffs.

"Oh, getting a control complex, are we?" he chuckled, eyes wide. "You BOUGHT those? You have GOT to be shitting me."

He laughed with delight. She grinned and leaned back, tracing his lips with one finger then drew back, slowly unbuttoning her shirt and stripping off her clothes before him.

"But I can't touch you, damn it" he growled playfully.

"You can with this hand," she whispered, pointing to his other not cuffed. He raised his hand up and lightly touched his breast. She moved close and unbuckled his belt, then slowly unzipped his jeans.

"I want the other one." he pouted, "I want to know right away what your intentions are."

She moved up so he could kiss her breast with his lips. He took her nipples one after the other into his lips and moaned.

"I'm going to keep you chained to this bed..." she growled, kissing down his chest. "Keep you here..."

"You DO know that turnaround is fair play." he grinned at her, his eyes aflame.

"My six foot... hot love... ALL AMERICAN man..." she sighed, leaning down to kiss him as she lay down on top of him. He leaned up to kiss her as best he can, nipping slightly on her lips.

"I can't wait forever." he whispered, "especially when it comes to you and that sexy body."

She rubbed down on his groin, and stripped his pants down and off his body. Then she rubbed her cheek to his underpants.

"You're driving me nuts, Raina." he whispered, "So completely and utterly mad."

"I know Stanley," she whispered in his ear, and then moved up to kiss up his belly and then nibble on his neck. She lifted aside his hair and kissed his right ear, then his left. He winced a bit when she did.

"You're not staying down there?" he pouted. She moved down and pulled down his underpants and slowly rubs him with her cheek.

"Right THERE." he whispered. "Ray, please...."

She took him into her mouth, slowly worked him with her tongue, then rubbed under with her hands.

"Please what?" she whispered, pulling off him a moment.

"Please...do that down there." he said, eyes tightly shut. 'Please take care of me."

"I will," she whispered, moving down to go on him again. She ran her tongue along the underside of him, and then took him as far in her mouth as he'll go. He was large and she could only take him halfway into her mouth. He stroked her hair with his free hand, muttering in frustration from being chained. She caressed his balls gently to add to the sensation remembering what Gene told her.

"Don't worry if you can't go all the way. You're doing fine." he encouraged. She was gentle and delicate, soft, not grabby. He began to thrust slowly. For a moment she nipped the inner thigh and then slipped onto him again.

"That felt good. "He breathed, eyes still closed. "I can't...I need to hold off."

She dug her nails into his thigh and stopped. Then glanced up at him as he gasped, "What if I.... Ray, have you ever...."

"What do you want me to you..." she asked, panting. "What’s wrong?"

"Because if you don't want me to, I won't."

"You want to taste me?" she asked him.

"What if you.... Say...finished the job." he looked at her, dark eyes feasting on her body.

"Swallow?" she asked.

"If you don't mind..." he said, watching her with half open eyes.

"Not at all," she smiled and nips his inner thigh and returned her mouth over him again.

"I think.... If you've never done it, I could teach you," he groaned and began rubbing her hair again.

"Can I get free?" he whispered. She pulled off him and reached up to unlock his cuff. He sighed and rubs his wrist, then places both hands in her hair, gently pulling her back. She suddenly pinned both his wrists and fastened his hands again by threading the cuffs around the bedpost and locking his wrists in the cuffs.

"Hey now...WHAT are you up to?" he laughed, watching her. "I just got these damn son of a bitches off."

"I will drive you insane..." she whispered, returning to her task. This time she worked him harder, licking and taking him in as she caresses his balls again.

"You're already doing a good job of THAT.' he gritted. He arched his back and moaned. "God, you feel good...oh...Ray.... Let me out.... God...."

She worked him harder and harder, digging her nails into his thighs. She gets up to turn over and straddle above his head and lay across his body to work him more, her hot wetness just before his face. He leaned up to thrust his tongue up into her and hear her muffled groan. Quickly he caught up to her, working Ray to the same frenzy he felt down below.

Ray quickly moved off and scampered down to lay on her side, then slowly slid herself down over his hot length. Stan groaned, gasping at the sight and sensation of her slowly covering him. It maddened him to see and not touch her with but his vision, her body gliding up and down on him as he began to buck and thrust under her. She rode him much as Steph had done, her eyes locking into his with a passion that only emboldened him. What he saw in the depths of those green eyes was genuine respect and desire, not just to satisfy their mutual urges but to reach out and touch him with a bit of her soul. At the last moment she reached up and unlocked his cuffs.

Gasping he grabbed her to him and rolled over, pounding her into the sheets. Ray arched her back, screaming as the force of her bucking almost threw him off. Hands searched and mouths merged, stifling their cries as they climbed for that place of sheer bliss together. They searched with their mouths and tongues, tasting hot wet moist love together as Stan and Ray both exploded in their desires.

When they were spent they lay alongside one another, their arms entwined. Ray stroked his face with her hand, and let him pillow his head on her this time. Softly she fingered his hair and kissed the top of his head as he sniffled and sighed deeply.

"I know you love me," she whispered. "I wish I had met you before…"

Her only answer was his sleepy breathing in and out. But she knew it was enough, and she would not question tomorrow.