The Long, Long Road

Part 5

By Trynia Merin

 Disclaimer: KISS, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley are actual persons. This is a work of FICTION, and is not meant to harm or demean. It is a fictional account of what things might have been like for a personal friend of Gene and a friend of Stan getting to know KISS in their formative years. Dr. Raina (Marcy) MacLaren, Karen Valentez, Trisha Malloy and Liz of Sweet Revenge are property of the author, Trynia Merin, as are the kids of the band Flaming Youth.

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Gene wandered into the club where Toni said he had seen Stanley performing the other night. He was curious to see just what sort of a place it was that had drawn Stanley away from Rainbow, a name in progress that he had quickly wanted to change to another name. The crowd seemed very diverse, from a table of hippies to another filled with young teenagers dodging the drinking age who looked barely legal. If he were still a teacher he probably would have been within his rights to report them to the bartender. However he walked past them without batting an eyelash. Strangely he had come alone, and few people bothered the six foot four man in his leather jacket and shirt, shoulder length curly hair and intense eyes. A few of the women seemed to notice as he sat at the bar and ordered a drink, and glanced up at the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we present our second act to you, the ladies and men of Raisin Ragamuffin! Who will delight and astonish you with a blues-rock sound unlike ANY in the village. Back for a return engagement from last month we have them here tonight! Give a WARM Cat welcome to them folks!" The MC shouted.

"Your tonic and orange juice," the lady said. He lifted the drink to his lips and tasted the tang of alcohol. Normally he didn’t drink but the past couple of days had broken the habit. While nobody was looking he sipped a bit and winced that it had to taste so bad.

The lead singer burst on the scene with her swaying hips and heavily made up lashes, a sight for his sore eyes. However he spotted the keyboard player sitting before both an organ and w hat appeared to be a Mellotron and his heart stopped a pace as her fingers flew across the boards. She played in flawless synch to the styling of the group, and the frenetic pace of the female lead guitarist in the straw hat and tinted glasses with the tight cat suit on, complete with a feather boa. In leather and crushed velvet off the shoulder top Ray swayed her long red hair hanging loose about her shoulders to the middle of her back, total concentration jiving into her music.

Gene could outwardly pretend he was unaffected by the siren song of the alluring lead singer, and the resulting harmonious singings from the keybordist. He could deny that his pulse was racing quickly just seeing her there, delicate fingers working the keys, and not mentally picturing what those fingers could do on his hot waiting flesh. And yet he knew that he could not deny the hunger that pulled him from his self imposed exile, and take her in his arms and claim her for one more night. Would she hate him? Had she found solace in the arms of another man as he had assumed from his own situation? On one level Gene hoped she had, and another part of him felt a bitter pang of jealousy. As if when he unmasked the gentleman she had found solace with he’d punch the man in the jaw and rip him a new asshole for messing with Ray.

What claim did he have on her anyway? He’d drawn the line for her own sake as well as his. It had to be this way, as long as her fears held her back from realizing the vast potential buried within, and her family still held her in thrall, squashing her dreams with their own desires. Nevertheless as he watched her, entranced through an organ solo, he couldn’t help but question his initial conclusion. When she was up there she suddenly looked indestructible, as if she was presenting the glimmering hopes of becoming far more then she could imagine. Untapped potential was at long last finding voice, and her sonorous styling on the next song under Toni’s vocals melted his icy resolve. He had to have her, no he NEEDED her.

Even if she hated him, he had to try. One last night of passion before disappearing form her life again. To let her know he desired her body and soul, and that it had been for her own good that he had left her. Look at what had resulted, she was taking the first trembling steps in the direction he had always imagined she could. If she knew he was out there, forging his own path, perhaps she would have the courage fueled by the anger of a woman scorned to show everyone how wrong they were about her. Perhaps in his own pride he hoped he could be the reason she would grasp the dream and reach for the stars as he was doing. Such was his selfish desire, that he could be the catalyst for her to make it big and embrace destiny.

"I did it for you, baby," he whispered, sipping the rest of his drink, and looking tot he stage through the whole performance. When it had done, he saw her moving backstage, and saw the next act coming on. However he saw Ray quickly take an envelope from the club manager, and slip it into her purse, walking with a group of other people to the exit of the club. Casually Gene wandered out to the street to see where they were taking Ray. He followed them at a discreet distance; letting h is face fall into shadows. He had not remembered Ray with these people before, and none of them seemed familiar. However the dark haired woman walking and talking with Ray and several shorter fellows, who had the look of Italian men seemed harmless enough. Gene focused all his attention on Ray, watching as they walked down the street and wandered into another club.

It was just as smoky as the last, filled with teenagers dressed in garish test patterns of paisley and pink and yellows. Even oranges and browns made it into the palate of glaring fashions. He moved silently, watching Ray sit at a table with the strangers and look onstage at another band he’d never seen. The lead guitarist was thin as a rail, his fingers setting to the strings like a demon possessed. Two other band members railed on with a raw sound that grated Gene’s ears. Whoever the kid was, he was no Jimi Hendrix.

Walking over the thin as a rail guitarist tipped back a mouthful of beer and staggered back to playing. His band gritted on with their next jangling hit, and Gene had to admit they had spunk. What they lacked in formal training they more then made up for in spirit and passion. He wasn’t sure how much more his ears could take of the loud ripping guitar melodies, but he had to admit he hadn’t’ heard anything like it before, especially the guitarist’s vibrato in the long notes. When he dropped to his knees and wrung out a long series of riffs, Gene turned to see Ray slowly excusing herself and leaving with the dark hared woman and a shorter gentlemen, whose face he couldn’t see as they rushed out into the night. Mumbling to himself, Gene walked after them, and out of the bar. He missed the placard that said brats and Milemmo, one night engagement only.

By the time he reached the street he saw they had climbed into a cab and left. Cursing to himself, he wandered down the streets aimlessly, walking in the nightlife of the Village. Should he try and tail them or would she be where he logically expected. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to bide his time, and wait for her to get settled in, he thought, glancing at his watch. He stopped at a deli and ordered a sandwich, and then considered the freshly cut flowers. Grabbing his purchases he climbed onto the bus and rode up towards where he had previously lived.

***

Gene swallowed the lump in his throat, and quickly formulated his lie as he slowly ascended the stairs. Inside the apartment, Ray sipped red wine, and slowly lit a smoke. Blasting all sorts of sixties rock, Jimi Hendrix blared through her speakers, almost like she was trying to drown out the night.

Gene walked up to the door and knocked lightly, sighing to himself. From within, Ray didn't hear the knock over the music. She lit another smoke, opens the window to let it out. He knocked again a bit louder, fishing into his pocket for the key and wondering if he should use it. Ray lay on the sofa, slowly sipping wine and singing loudly to herself. She had changed into a T-shirt and sweat pants, drowning her sorrows in wine.

Gene grumbled again, knocking full force with his fist, and jangling the doorknob. "Shit, Ray.... Open up." he mumbles, still very nervous.

Ray jumped up with a cry, and put her wineglass down. Grabbing her Louisville slugger by the door she shouted, "whoever it is... I got a bat, and I'll use it..."

"Open up, please Ray.  I FORGOT something," he said loudly into the door.

She turned down the stereo, and listened. "Who is it?"

"Please, Ray, open the door! I have to get something… you’ve got nothing to fear from me…"

"Gene?" she asked slowly. She unlocked the door and opened it, stepping back.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said as he finally looked eye to eye with her.

"What... did you forget?" she asks, holding up the bat. She lowered it, and moved aside so he could step in.

"I.... I had a notebook here. A black one, with some lyrics. And I've looked...and I can't find it," he said, no emotion in his voice. "Can I come in?"

"I... think it's over here," she said, closing the door behind him. He walked over and grabs the notebook, looking down at it for a moment. Nervously he flipped through the pages a bit. She still inhaled her smoke, and exhaled a puff into the room, then sipped some more wine.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Not my best stuff, but better than starting over." he said, as he wheeled to look at her.

"Yes," she sighed.

"Not.... THAT." he said, looking at the wine. "But if you have something more tame..."

She wandered into the kitchen, pulled out a can of Fresca, and poured it into a glass for him. "Here," she said softly, not sure of what to think.

"Mind if I sit?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Sure, it's a free country." She said waving her hand dismissively, restraining her urge to choke him.

"Yeah, it is...but that still doesn't answer my question of whether you want me around...or if you want me gone?" Gene said carefully, sitting on the sofa, and sipping his drink.

"And I'd totally understand if your boot hit my ass."

"I know... it's just..." she sighed.

He looked down at the floor a minute. "Ray..." he sighed.

"What?" she asked slowly, and paced the room nervously. "Have you come back to offer me some words of wisdom?"

"No, not really. I have been sort of wondering about how you're doing."

"Have you?" she asked, whirling on him.

"Yes, I have been."

"You have a funny way of showing it."

"I'm not going to stand here and tell you I regret what I did. I regret that I HAD to do it.... But it's the best for you, Ray." he said, looking at her with dark eyes.

"Is it?" she asked.

"Yes..." he said slowly, watching her. "I'm not the man for you. I can't give you what you want."

"What do you think I want?" she asked. "How can YOU know me better then I know myself?"

"Because...I think no matter how hard you fight it, what you want is what your parents have," he said slowly. "And until you prove me wrong...I'm going to make sure I'm not standing in your way."

"Is that why you left me..." Ray demanded, her voice rising in volume as she stood right over him, hands on her hips. She continued to smoke her cigarette, a part of her delighting in the way he curled up his nostrils and winced, waving the smoke away with one hand.

He looked at her a moment in silence, before continuing, "This was a train wreck waiting to happen, Ray, and you know it. Your parents would never have accepted us, and you will living in fear that they would find out."

"I know that now," she said slowly. "For all the good it does me."

"And they WOULD have found out, no matter what you worked out with Gloria."

"I shouldn't have tried to hide it. I wish I had the strength," she said bitterly, stubbing her cigarette in the ashtray to the left of his drink. "But it's just too much too late, isn't it?"

He looked down at his drink for just a moment, and not facing her said, "Yeah.... Maybe... I don't know. I'd be lying if I told you I don't miss you."

"I miss you too," she sniffled. "But this isn’t FAIR! You coming back here like this! Dammit GENE, how dare you! What do you want from me?"

She started to cry, trying to hide the tears. He looked at her for just a minute, and sighed, "I guess... I don't want you to hate me. I want you to understand why I did it. And I want you to be OK with it."

"I know why," she wiped her eyes. "You were trying to teach me a lesson. Well I learned it... For all the good it did me..."

"I don't expect that you'll understand," he said, "Or that you'll like the way I did it."

"No, I guess I wont..." she snapped. "How you took my heart and ripped it into little pieces. Dammit Gene!  I believed in us, you and me! What GIVES you the right to think you can waltz in here and just ask how I’m doing like nothing happened!"

"I care about you," he said.

"You have a lousy way of showing it!" Ray yelled. "I should throw you out right now!"

"You’d be within your rights to do so,’ Gene said. "Funny, but I don’t’ see you rushing to do it."

"I think I know why you’re here. You can’t stand the thought of leaving something unfinished can you?"

"Someone told me I was taking the cowards way out," Gene admitted, swallowing hard. "That I should have told you face to face…"

"Save it Gene. I don’t ‘want your pity," Ray yelled at him.

"I’m not here to feel sorry for you Ray… I’m here… dammit I don’t know why I’m here…" Gene sighed, standing up. Ray said nothing more, biting her lip as Gene paced a bit and glanced around the apartment.

"I hear that you're playing now...for audiences, I mean," he finally said.

"I am," she said slowly.

"For what it's worth.... I’m proud of you," Gene said.

"Thank you," she said slowly.

"I hear you were a real hit," he said, taking another sip of his Fresca.

"From who?' she asked suspiciously.

"Someone who was there," he said.

"I see," she said.

"Might be best if we keep our paths separate, if you follow my drift," he said, taking another big drink.

"I guess," she mumbled then rose up and paced. "Whatever… I guess you’ve said what you needed to say, and you’d better get going then."

She turned away from him walking to the kitchen and grabbing the counter. Bravely she tried not to cry. Gene looked at the television for a moment, silently cursing the awkwardness of the situation. "Simmons, you're being too much of an ass,” he muttered to himself, using a name he had concocted to replace his old name, which had caused so much trouble. A name he was hesitant to use till the right moment among his closest personal friends who still knew the old names.

"I see the neighbors finally painted their building," he said, clearing his throat.

"You're all big and bad-ass... aren't you?" she asked, walking out of the kitchen again. "You're on your way... and now you’re come to check on all the lose ends you left, that’s what you’re here for!"

He stood up for a moment, fingering his notebook, "I suppose you think I deserve that."

"I guess, but somehow I don't..." Ray sighed, shaking her head. "And maybe you're right."

He looked around a bit uncomfortably, and then back at her, "Maybe I should go."

"Maybe you should."

"No..... I don't. Honestly. Do you think I'd make up such a dumb story as a lost notebook of lyrics if I didn't want to see you."

"I just don't see why you're here, if you think that you and I should do separate paths," she mumbled.

"Maybe I'm here because I need you tonight," Gene walked over to her, with a poise and confidence that grated on her nerves. Gone forever was the shy schoolteacher she had known, being rapidly replaced by a smooth player who knew how to wreck havoc with women’s emotions, and break hearts. Even now his voice was lowering to a seductive tone that she knew was part of his charm. "Because I don't want to spend the night alone in the loft. Maybe it's as simple as that."

"How can you possibly need me?" she asked slowly, her eyes glaring at his. "I thought you could find any woman you wanted..."

"True.... But I suppose.... I came here."

"Then what would you want?" she asked slowly.

"You." he said, striding up and stroking her cheek. Ray stood with her hands at her sides, shaking in anger and desire. "One more time."

"Why?" she asked slowly. "What’s in it for you?" Ray squeezed shut her eyes, trying to hide her tears. The wineglass dropped from her hands, and collapsed to her knees, crying. He walked over to her slowly, unsure of what to do.

"What's in it for me is that I still love you, Ray, if that makes any sense. And I always will. I just CAN'T let myself." He bent down to put his hand on her arm.

"You can't let yourself do what?" she asked. "Love me?"

"I can't let myself enter into something that I can't make REAL for you."

"I know," she said angrily, looking up at him. "You can’t or wont?"

"I can't let you believe that I'm the ONE, damn it, don' t you SEE?"

She looked up at him, and sighed, "I guess you aren't. I guess I just have to tell myself... that you and I can never be... As much as I hate it..."

"No... We can't," he said, pulling her to her feet. "At least, not now."

"No," she said bitingly. "We can't. And you have your world, and I have mine. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?"

"And I still find you incredibly intoxicating," he smiled a bit, never taking his eyes from her. "And if that earns me a slap, so be it."

"I want to kick the shit out of you," she mumbled. "But half of me wants to kiss you..."

"So...do it." He said with a low seductive voice.

Slowly she stepped up to him, and put her hand on his chest. Gene leaned over as if expecting her to melt in his arms. He didn’t see her hand reach back and slap across his cheek hard, far harder then he would have expected.

"That was for leaving me,” she whispered, looking at him levelly. He touched his slapped cheek for a moment, then slowly moves his hand over to her cheek and kisses her passionately, his other arm pulling her close to his body. Pressing against his chest she struggled, and pulled back, her eyes wide with anger and desire. She stepped back, and he released her as she brushed angry tears from her green eyes.

"I'll tell you again,” he murmured. "I'll leave if you want me to. But please DON'T want me to."

"I don't want you to leave," she sniffled. "Dammit you shouldn’t have such power over me…"

He broke into a slow smile, reaching over to kiss her lightly again. Ray buried her head in his chest, clinging tightly to him in her anger and sadness. "I missed you," she sniffles, holding him close. "God, I wanted to hate you... "But something wouldn't let me. How messed up is that?"

He held her tight, shutting his eyes for a moment. "It's terribly clique', but I NEVER meant to hurt you, Ray. And that's the honest to God truth."

"I know... but... You sure can hurt a girl,' she whispers, rubbing his chest. "Tell me you were at the club tonight, weren't you?"

"I was." he admitted. "And you were brilliant."

"You're not just saying that are you?" she asked.

"I never JUST say that." he grins, "You were. You belong up there."

"So do you," she whispered.

"You need to pursue it," he said, slowly tracing his fingers up her forearm, "That's not your band, you know. They don't deserve you."

"I know... someday I WILL have my own band..." she looked up at him in a firm defiance that he had not seen before, and he liked.

"I have no doubt of that, sweetheart,” he cooed, kissing her ear lightly. She sighs and tipped her head back, letting him have access. Her hands rub up and down his shirt, caressing his chest through it. She shivered with anticipation.

"I suppose...this is your place. You need to tell me where you want me," he whispered in her ear.

"Where I want you?" she asked slowly. "What do you mean?"

"Where you want to GO," he said, seductively. She stammered, and backed away a bit.

"Is this a good idea?" she whispered.

"You tell me," he said, clearly aroused. "It's no strings. It's just you and me. Two friends."

"With fringe benefits?" she asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"But if it's not what you can handle, I understand," he sighed, turning away.

"I want you so badly..." she whispers, looking up at him with desire dark eyes.

"Then...it's not so bad." He raised an eyebrow comically at her and moved toward her. She looked up at him with her arms at her sides unable to control herself.

"I'm not sure," she whispered.

"So, pick your pleasure." he cooed. "I'm yours for the evening."

"Here I am, you and me alone, and I have no ideas... it's hardly fair... I never thought I'd see you again..." she sniffled. He smiled a bit in thought, then looked over at the couch with a slight chuckle and raised his eyebrow. She sighed deeply and walked over to him, rubbing his chest and giving him a hug, burying her head in his chest. He leaned over to kiss her, gently walking her back to the couch. Ray sighed and let him. He pulled her down to lie, and then softly lay himself on top of her, gently playing with the buttons on her shirt. She sighed and rubbed his back, enjoying his weight on her.

"I love,” he whispered into her ear, then stopped. She closes her eyes, tears in them.

"I know..." she sniffled. Gene cut her off with a gentle kiss, stroking her hair and making no effort to show off. Simply loosing herself in the soft gentle ministrations, she closed her eyes and pretended the last week had been nothing but a horrible nightmare.

 

***

Gene kissed Ray deeply, sandwiching her between the sofa and his body. His tongue worked its magic dance in the merged spaces of their mouths, and Ray couldn’t help but cry. Pulling away he saw her hot tears and wiped them away with a gentle finger.

"Let me take you away from this for tonight,’ he whispered.

"How can you just take away a week of misery that’s your fault," she sniffled. Gene sat up and moved off her, sighing.

"I can try," he said, stroking her hair and pulling her up to sit by him. "I was an ass about how I did it, and I intend to make up for it… especially since you took a HUGE step in the right direction."

"Who are you, Jiminy Cricket?" she winced.

"Very funny," he laughed, catching her lips in another kiss. She let all her inhibitions run away with the decadent feelings of Gene’s fingers unbuttoning her shirt and pulling it up over her head. His fingers caressed her nipples into life through the silk of her bra, and turned her around so he could undo it with care. She stood up before him and let him gently pull her sweat pants down, revealing her body to him. He rose up and put her hands on his shirt, warm gaze urging her to continue. However Ray pressed him in a close hug, feeling the texture of his fully clothed body against her bare skin. It was incredibly erotic to Gene to have a nude woman in his arms, with him still fully clothed. Especially when she leaned up and presented her lips for a kiss. He leaned down and claimed her lips again, taking his time as he ran his hand down to her back and caressed her ass gently, pulling her up into his arms with both hands.

"This is one hell of a way to live a separate life," she whispered as she came up for air, and felt his arms holding her off her feet as he carried her into her bedroom. "Isn’t this breaking your own rule?"

"The stronger you are, the happier I’ll be," Gene whispered. "I didn’t say I’d NEVER be part of your life… it’s just like this… I can’t drag you with me where I’m going. And I can’t make your decisions for you. Sometimes you have to face things on your own. But when you DO make it I’ll be waiting. And I’ll NEVER turn you away. But I can’t be there like you want me to. I can only be myself… and that’s nothing more then I expect you to do for yourself Ray. It’s not for ME alone I did what I did. It was for you as much as myself. Because what you WANT and what you need has to come first. We’re too much alike…"

"How can you possibly know what I need?" Ray asked. "I know I asked that before."

"Because I was like you, believe it or not," he whispered, laying her on the bed tenderly, and sitting down next to her to caress her bared flesh. "And you have the power to know who YOU are."

"How can I find you, you impossible jerk," she groaned, as his fingers skimmed over her breasts, his mouth hot and demanding on her goose pimpled flesh.

"You’ll know me by the songs I sing," he whispered. "And believe me you’ll know WHERE to find me, if you know where to look."

"Explain to me again why you’re here," she groaned, as he leaned her back and gently licked down her thigh.

Gene lifted his head for a moment, peering up at her with desire in his eyes, "Because I want you to know I will NEVER stop caring. Even though our lives must be separate, we will meet on YOUR terms and mine. Not by anyone else’s’…"

"I would die if you left again," she whimpered as his tongue found her moist wet core and teased pleasure out of it.

"You won’t die. You’ll go on to do GREAT things Ray," he whispered, lifting his head as she twined fingers in his hair. "Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…"

"I don’t have your strength Gene," she whimpered as he worked her to a shivering orgasm that removed her breath and her protests.

"Bullcrap," Gene hissed into her ear, slowly unbuttoning his shirt and laying it aside. Along with it he removed his other propriety and lay alongside of her, h is bare skin pressed to hers. She shivered and cried in the aftershocks of his pain, sobbing as he folding himself to her and hugged her tightly.

"I hate you, Gene Klein," she whispered.

"You can say that if it will make it easier," he whispered, turning her over and wrapping her in his arms. "But he’s not here. I’m here now…"

"What are you talking about?" she began to cry harder.

"Sometimes we have to change our identities, become the person we always knew we were inside. Transform…"

"And WHAT is it you’ve become?" she asked, as he turned off the light.

"The man I always dreamed of," he whispered. "One that’s definitely NOT the one you expect love…"

"Self centered son of a bitch, I should hate you!" Ray sobbed, pushing him away.

Gene sighed as he realized this wasn’t going as he’d planned. Yet what did he expect? For her to just take him back for one night of passion. Ray pulled away, standing up and staring at the window, her body aching with pain and sorrow.

"You’re killing me!" she howled into the night. "You have no idea what this is doing to me! Wanting to be with you, and suddenly having you HERE! What do you think you’re doing! How DARE you think that all you have to do is seduce me and make it all go away! You arrogant bastard!"

Gene shivered at the fury in ray’s voice as she stood, silhouetted in moonlight, her fists clenching, her every curve backlit by the city lights and the mocking silver light of the full moon. A loud cry of fury shot through as she screamed her anger and fear at him, and its force scared him half to death. Had he created a monster in his attempt to show her she had to follow her own path?

"Ray, please. I only wanted you to see… that you have to live your own life! As long as I stayed her you thought you had some place to run, have some secret life you could run to! But you HAVE to make your OWN life away from your family! Stop trying to live up to other’s expectations! Can’t you see it KILLS me to see you in pain!" he pleaded.

"Then WHY come back? Why!" she screamed.

"Because I love… because I…" he stammered.

"Because you couldn’t stay away. Maybe YOU’RE the one, who isn’t strong enough," she pointed at him.

"You’ve created a monster, Gene. Someone who both wants to hate you and love you, and there’s no going back. I can’t turn off my emotions, and NEITHER CAN YOU! The truth is you LOVE me damn it, and you’re chicken shit and not enough of a man to FACE what you’ve created!"

"Maybe I have," he whispered, rising from the bed and facing her in the darkness, towering over her. "Maybe I was totally wrong. But what I did, I did for you, and for me. I was destroying you. Pulling you away from the real issue. What YOU want out of your life."

"How is leaving me helping me!"

"I can’t say," he stammered. "It just… felt like the right thing to do at the time… if you had to keep living this double life it would destroy you. But now you’re FORCED to deal with your desires and pursue them. Face your parents on your own terms and make your own life. You have your OWN place and you performed tonight. Could the old RAY have done this on her own? Answer me THAT!"

"I… never though about it that way," she finally relented, quaking with anger.

"If it’s easier to hate me, hate me," Gene whispered. "But you had to learn sooner or later. You and me, we’re not like other people. We don’t’ HAVE to live by society’s rules. And maybe, just maybe one day you’ll understand why…"

"And minutes ago you said that you couldn’t give me what I needed," Ray said slowly. "Maybe you outsmarted yourself. Because maybe what I needed was a kick in the ass…"

"I guess that’s one way of looking at it," he sighed. "Look, if you want me to leave, I’ll go. But I really don’t’ want to. I want to see you… before there’s a long separation between us. Cause I have this gut feeling that things are going to come to a climax…"

"I don’t want you to leave!" she howled, throwing herself into his arms. Gene caught the force of her body leaping into his arms, attacking him like a creature of the night. She bruised his lips with the force of her savage kiss, her angry emotions sobbing through her hands digging into his back, nails raking his flesh. She pinned him down on the bed, biting and licking folds of flesh in anger. He submitted himself to her desires, moaning and writhing as she savagely suckled him to the edge of madness, only to stop.

"Are you going to finish what you started?" he whispered.

"The question is, are you?" she asked.

"Always," he whispered, and pinned her to the bed. She drove herself onto him savagely, hips rising to meet him as they writhed in passion. Her screams and his cries merged into a loud cacophony as two creatures of the night worked to orgasm, their frustrations vented in the action of hot furious sex. When it was over they lay panting and breathless.

"Oh god," she whispered. "I want to hate you but I can’t…"

"I can’t either," he choked. "Make love to me, let me make love to you one last time… please…"

Their second time was sweet, furtive and full of promise as Gene kissed her delicately, caressing her body sweetly as if for the first time. She arched under him, moaning as his tongue merged with hers and they rubbed each other to a second passion. As they came together he made slow arduous love, holding her close as Ray felt him peak and explode inside of her, and he lay within her, begging her not to move.

Exhausted, she fell asleep in his arms, and Gene soon followed, kissing her deeply and cradling her in his arms. He wanted the night to last forever, and wondered how long she would need him there. Could he be such a fool to walk away, even when his senses were telling him it was best?

***

Ray awakened to feel strong arms around her, and half-wondered if it were Paul. She ached sweetly, and when she felt herself pillowed on a strong sturdy body, she looked down and saw it was Gene. For a moment she cursed her weakness, and then marveled at the fact he was still here. Leaning down she kissed him, feeling the tears that came.

He blinked awake and pushed a lock of hair from her face delicately, not bothering to speak. Neither was sure of what to say to the other. Ray silenced his first comment with a deep kiss, and Gene moaned softly as he turned over on his side, and she pulled him on top of her. Wrapping herself around him she snuggled close and he kissed her bared shoulder, then her breasts. She gasped and moaned rubbing with her hand and causing him to moan as she caressed him. Again his desperate hunger prodded her hip, and Ray rubbed in places that made him utterly surprised. He parted her legs with his knees and she reared up to receive him.

Gene rolled over so she was on top, controlling the depths of his penetration. His eyes fixed into hers, watching the passion fill her eyes as she rolled her hips and caused him to moan in return. They held off their pleasure as long as they could, but Ray’s string of orgasms exploded around her like odd fireworks, the intensity almost causing her to pass out. Gene reared up, growling in his animalistic passion to wring and second and a third, her own pleasure his only goal. Their lips fused in a hot kiss as his face tensed, and he buried his cry in a deep kiss. Arms wrapped around each other, pulling their bodies into a tight embrace as snug as two pounding hearts could hope when he shoved himself deep inside her and she felt his hot rush again.

As soon as it had begun, they lay apart, silently tracing each other’s bodies with a finger. Needs of nature were met with silent apologies, and it wasn’t long before they found themselves in another embrace of unending passion. Just how many hours passed neither could tell before they dozed again quietly, and the sun had gone well into the sky.

***

The first thing Gene did when he woke up the next morning was to relieve himself and then rush out to see if there was anything in the kitchen. He found the stuff to make bacon and eggs, and quickly made up an omelet and a side of bacon, with plenty of toast. The only thing he could find to wear was one of Ray’s robes, and he hardly cared, cursing the fact he’d removed the coffee percolator and had to settle for instant. His own damn fault, he realized. Also he realized he’d left the bag of food he’d brought, and quickly rushed to fine it still sitting outside the front door. Carefully he picked up the roses and put them in water, into a nice vase she had in the closet. Then he brought a tray with two plates and mugs of coffee into the room to where Ray still slumbered. It was two in the afternoon, and Gene waved some freshly cut fruit before her nose.

Ray mumbled and stirred groggily, amazed to see Gene there with a tray of food. She looked up at him, rubbing her eyes and said, "You’re still here…"

"I couldn’t ‘go and leave the monster I created," he joked.

"You’re horrible, you know that," she winced.

"Breakfast?" he asked. She straightened up and let him pour her some orange juice. He drained his glass dry and sighed deeply, stretching. Every part of his body was tingling, and he felt wonderful, far better then he had all week.

Ray practically inhaled her eggs and bacon, and drank a whole cup of coffee thirstily. They ate ravenously, feeding one another bits of food and even some biscuits Gene had found from the freezer. When they had finally eaten their fill, Gene put the tray down and stretched out in the bed next to her, holding ray Close.

"Now what?" she asked.

"That’s your call," he sighed.

"I suppose you’ll be leaving," she mumbled, rubbing his chest hair.

"Not right away," he whispered.

"So much for separate lives…"

"Yeah," he sighed dismally. "But I am NOT sorry I came here. Are you?"

"No," she whispered. "I did miss you… terribly…"

Gene kissed her softly, and she moaned. He wondered if he would be up to another session as he pulled her into his arms and held her close. He desperately didn’t’ want to leave, but knew the time would come soon when he had to.

"If you want me to go I’ll go, but I don’t have anything planned for today,’ Gene said softly, stroking her face.

"You need to get back to your band," Ray said with a sigh.

"So do you," he smiled sadly. "But can you blame me for wanting to go back on my own words just a little before the great divide?"

"No," she nodded, leaning to kiss him. The phone rang, and they both looked at one another, laughing.

"I’ll get it," he offered, carrying the tray out into the kitchen. She rose and stretched, sighing as she grabbed her robe and stumbled a bit.

Gene dumped the plates into the sink and started the water running, then grabbed the phone, "Hello?"

"Is Ray there?" asked a female voice.

"Yes," Gene said. "May I ask who’s calling?"

"This is her mother," said the voice, frantic. "Please you must let me speak to her. Are you Mr. Klein?"

"Yes," Gene said. "Wait, what’s wrong?"

"I have to talk to Ray. Please… I understand if you’re angry with us, but we had our reasons. There’s been a death in the family…"

"I’ll go get her," Gene said, putting the phone down with concern. Ray returned, wondering what was going on when Gene started the dishes and she spoke softly with her mother. Gene watched the expression of worry go to sadness and then sheer terror.

"Oh god… Sean… oh no… dear god… no…"

Gene rushed to her side as she shivered and started to cry. Still he kept a distance when she said, "The funeral is tomorrow? I’ll be there… of course… yes… I love you too mom, I’m so sorry…"

Grimly she hung up the phone, and turned away, sobbing. Gene rushed to her side, taking her in his arms as she cried onto his shoulder. "Shh," he urged. "It’s okay baby… I’ve got you…"

"He died… in action," she stammered. "My… cousin… I… I… have to go…"

"Ray…" Gene whispered. "I’m so sorry."

"I have to go," she stammered. "The funeral… my family needs me…"

"When is it?" Gene asked.

"I have to go there today. My family… we have to drive down to Arlington Cemetery for the ceremony. And oh Gene… he died in action. He and Harold. They both saved so many people in their unit… and they just… oh god… a land mine… I have to go…"

"Ray, I understand," Gene said.

"I… oh god… why…" she stammered, pacing around.

"Family comes first," Gene nodded. "I’ll help you pack… you go get a shower and I’ll finish in here. I’ll help you take what you need…"

"You don’t have to…"

"I do," Gene said. "Now go on, get into the shower with you. I’ll join you soon… and we’ll get you packed okay?"

Sniffling, Ray went to the shower, and Gene grumbled at the dishes. He wiped away his own tear as it fell into the sink full of dirty dishes. The emptiness he felt inside suddenly opened wider then he could bear, and he choked back his anger and frustration. It didn’t seem fair. Even though he couldn’t stand Harold, he wouldn’t wish dying in some foreign country in the jungles of Nam on anyone. Also, it hardly seemed fair after what he had put her through to have another tragedy strike. Not for Ray. Hadn’t she suffered enough with her own private hell?

***

Ray stood next to her mother and her uncle; giving what strength she could as she held her mother’s hand. To one side stood her father, the older brother of her uncle whose son had passed away. The one who’s flag covered coffin now sat beside another, one that contained a man who had once wooed her with the fervor of the man standing in the group of black clad mourners.

Fifteen shots resounded in the cemetery, the sun bright and gleaming for such a bleak day. Did it herald the continuation of life, or some cruel ironic twist? For the time being, Ray’s sins had been forgotten, for she recalled that her father and mother had welcomed her back in mingled silence and sadness. Even though her brother could not be home, he was there in spirit, having sent a telegram with his own profound sorrow at this news. He had visited the hospital in Da Nang where Sean and Harold had been sent with the rest of their platoon, only to perish in the medical ward while they were being wheeled in. It hardly seemed fair, and the accounts of their heroism, including the Congressional medals of Honor presented to her aunt and Harold’s mother seemed little consolation.

Slowly the pallbearers saluted, and then bore their cargo to the plots already excavated. Ray glanced over and saw Mark standing aside, looking so alone and forlorn. She saw him walk over to her, and grip her shoulder, sliding his hand into hers.

"I think he’d be glad you came," he whispered.

"Sean, it’s not fair," Ray began to break down.

"Shh," Mark whispered, arm around her. She clung to hmm, letting the tears fall. Her parents stood and saw them, nodding in slow silence as Ray and Mark shared their grief together.

Before the caskets were each lowered, the pallbearers removed the flags. In a solemn ceremony they folded each American flag into a small triangle, till only the blue stars were visible, and saluted one last time. For all time the coffins were slipped into their resting-places, and the handfuls of dirt were softly tossed on top by the line of mourners. Ray tossed a handful to each, and then dropped a half dozen of red rose each into the casket from the bouquet she held. Choking she saw Mark toss dirt into each grave after her, and draw her slowly away as she choked and waved goodbye.

"Noo," her aunt wailed, wiping away her tears. Ray could bear no more and rushed forward as she cried Harold and Sean’s names.

"Shh, it’s okay," Mark choked, pulling her back. She fell into his arms, cursing her lack of control. All the events of the past few months spilled over and she buried her face into his chest. Mark rocked her slowly, shushing her and kissing her forehead through the black veil of her hat.

United in death, she saw the fathers being handed the flags, with the words, "America thanks you for your great service to your country…"

The rest of the day was a blur, as they all climbed into the limos and returned to the center for a reception. Red white and blue ribbons hung from the refreshment tables, marches being played by the local army band. People chatted and comforted one another, and Ray did not leave Mark’s side as she drifted through her relatives and gave her condolences. All the words of how it wasn’t fair were instead replaced by, "he died a hero," and "They were good men."

Such words were opposite what her mind screamed. Two men cut down in the prime of life, never to resume their duties. They had given all for their country, and Ray prayed to God that her own brother Jason would return alive. His wife waited grimly, and Ray embraced her, both women rocking slowly.

"He’s due to come back in six months if the war ends," Ray said to her.

"I want him here… I know he has a job to do… I just don’t want him back like this Ray!"

"Nor do I," Ray whispered, hugging her sister in law.

"He’ll be back," Mark whispered, resting his hand on her other shoulder. "Harold’s watching over him even now…"

"Harry always was a stubborn guy," Ray laughed as Mark led her over towards the snack table.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked her, looping his arm through hers. "You look like you could use one…"

"Yes," she sighed. Stopping at the small drink table Mark ordered a gin and tonic, and Ray got a bacardi and coke. They sipped their drinks and Ray heaved in a deep sigh.

"I was worried sick about you," he whispered. "So you finally moved out? You should have come to me you know…"

"I didn’t want to worry you… you were ill…"

"Ray, I have something for you," he said. "I understand it’s short time and all, but seeing Harold come back like this… it made me realize how fleeting life is. It might not be fair, but I was wondering if you’d consider moving in with me? I’d take care of you… because right now both of us need each other…"

"Mark," she sighed.

"Think about it," he said. "I only want what’s best for you. You’ve been through so much, why not let me take care of you, honey…"

"Mark… so sudden…"

"I know I might be out of line. I wanted to ask you, and maybe you’ll think I’m a jerk for doing it now, but wouldn’t you consider… this as an incentive. A funeral shouldn’t be an end but a beginning, and I know Harold and Sean would want you to be happy. Want us to be happy…"

"Us?" she looked into his eyes, sparkling behind his glasses.

"Us," Mark repeated. "I love you Ray, and I want you to be with me. Will you do me the honor of… considering to be with me?"

"You can’t seriously be asking me to…"

"Take your time and think about it," he whispered, and reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out a velvet box. Ray choked and opened it up, seeing the glitter of a diamond flanked by two small emeralds.

"Oh god Mark, you shouldn’t have…" she gasped.

"I was thinking we could share a place," he said. "I mean I have an apartment in Queens. And you shouldn’t be alone… and well… we don’t’ have to get married right away… Please think about it… there is no other woman I want…"

"Mark, oh mark," she sobbed, taking the ring and sobbing. He pulled it out of the box and slipped it on her finger as she hugged him close, her whole world suddenly falling out from under her in a way she had not imagined. Suddenly it made sense, and she pushed her old life aside.

"Sorry, but you were right," she whispered, wiping away a tear as she thought of Gene. "You wanted me to be happy, and I will be…"

"I’ll make you very happy," Mark whispered, kissing her lips lightly. She responded to his touch, as his fingers wiped away her tears and she kissed him back. Her parents looked on, both smiling slowly to one another. Perhaps she had at last come to her senses. Ray cried as part of her died inside, and she knew this was the only way. Wasn’t her family where she belonged?