Disclaimer: Paul Stanley, Gene Simmons and KISS are actual persons, and they are property of themselves. The portrayal of them in this story is fictitious, and is the work of a fan, for entertainment purposes only, not to demean or harm the people mentioned. Other characters are copyright by Trynia Merin. My thanks to Eisencookie, Ms Starchild and Ilovepaul66 for help with this story!

Another hard day of job searching had drawn to a close, and Julia was ready to relax. She unlocked the front door, to walk into darkness, which surprised her since Paul had been home for the last week. It had been almost two weeks since they had their first nearly intimate encounter, and it had been very sweet sharing his bed from time to time. However, the growing sadness in her heart made her wonder if he was growing impatient with her hesitation to go further.

During the day, it was easy to escape those thoughts, by busying herself with job interviews and pounding the pavement for work. She had even taken up at a job placement center in the hopes she could find something soon. This was another day of tromping on stiletto-heeled shoes and a tight business suit from office to office, and the answer was the same. Nobody was hiring currently, or they wanted someone with more experience.

"Christine?" she wondered, noticing all the lights off except for the distant flickering of what appeared to be candles and very subdued lighting. Her work minded brain didn't contemplate the other possibility.

"Are you here?" she asked. "Is there dinner? Was there any phone calls?"

"I have a better idea," someone whispered. Julia dropped her briefcase with a shriek, as someone's hand rested on her shoulder. Papers flew all over the floor and she groaned at the mess.

"Oh god Paul... you startled me!" she gasps, bending over to pick up the papers.

"Sorry, he smiled cutely as he bent down to help her pick up her papers.

"Paul... are you wearing a Japanese robe over your shirt?" she asks, fingering the silk of what was covering his white shirt and black pants. Now she could see him in the subdued lighting of multiple candles and a Japanese lantern hanging overhead.

"And since you HAVEN'T told me you'll go to Japan with me next year...I brought Japan to you." he smiled. "But on my behalf, you have NO idea how long I was in that basement, digging through boxes looking for this stuff... Recognize it?" he smiles, as he does his LG 1978 pout.

"Oh my GOD..." she gasped, fingering it. "I remember this!"

"You want to try it on?" he whispered seductively.

"Ohhhh..." she gasped.

"And before you come in, you've got to lose the shoes. Custom, you know."

"Of course,' she nodded, taking them off and putting them beside the door. "I love these lanterns... oh god and MUSIC... Japanese MUSIC..."

"I haven't brought these things out in 24 years. Damn, hard to believe it's been that long." he sighed. She inhales the scent of his cologne, and it stopped her heart for a moment. Curling his arm around her waist, he pulled her close for a sweet yet brief kiss that caught her off guard.

"Oh god Paul, what is all this?" she laughed.

"My way of welcoming my hard working woman home?" he pursed his lips together. He rubbed her back reassuringly a moment, "I don't suppose you had any luck, today? Or is that just wishful thinking?"

"Just a few things here and there," she muttered. "I've been to five clinics today, and several plastic surgeons over the last week. They want someone with more experience then I have..."

"I'd pay you well, Julia," he mumbled. "Better than any of those places you're visiting."

"Pay me a nurses wage for typing?" she teased him. "Really..."

"We could work something out," he said, guiding her towards the kitchen. "Besides, I'd have your company too. That's good for SOMETHING."

"Is that a SAKE set?" she asked, changing the subject.

"And....I can afford to pay it..." he started. Yet, her words were lost yet again. Looking at her for a moment Paul sighed when she rushed over to the table, which is set with oriental style plates.

"Incredible," she whispered, fingering the service pieces.

"Yeah, bought that during the Love Gun tour also. I'm glad you think so. I was just a baby when I bought those," he chuckled. "And sometimes babies have bad taste."

"Oh shut up," she reproved him gently. "This is a nice one... And being in your mid twenties hardly made you a baby..."

"Actually, the promoter gave it to me as a gift. I thought it was beautiful myself," Paul remembered, reaching out to pour her some sake. "We could buy some nice things to bring back in the spring.... If you'll go."

"I'm tempted," she murmured. "I did always want to visit there... but I don't know..."

"It's only four shows." he sighed. He does notice she said she was tempted. "And your temptation is duly noted... And will be utilized to the best of my ability."

She laughed, "I must be torturing you, poor thing... being so stubborn..."

"Mmmmmm, you're doing just fine," he said charmingly. "I rather enjoy a challenge."

"It's just that I love my work... and the idea of doing something like waiting on someone hand and foot... I just can't see it... Not that there is anything WRONG with that... I just... well, not to sound snooty or stuck up... it just seems a waste of my talents..."

He looked upward for a moment, in contemplation, then said, "Well, if you won't work for me, at least you could come along and keep me company. You and Shannon could shop a little, see the culture."

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," she apologized. "I just realized what an absolute bitch I sounded like then."

"I'm not giving up on it," he rubbed her back again. "Not just yet. Besides, would your tour have room for a nurse?"

"My bed would," he cooed.

"Uh huh," she laughed.

"But in the meantime, I'm assuming you'd like sake?" Paul asked, handing her the small cup of sake, and taking one for himself.

"I'm sure you'd LOVE that, daily examinations of your love gun?"

"Daily or hourly?" he teased.

"I think Ill have that sake now... before I answer that," she teases back. She was trying to humor him a bit because he was trying so hard. He grinned and clinked cups with her. They both took sips of the heady rice liquor. Sometimes he walked the fence between charming and obnoxious.

"And don't worry...I DID wash the cups tonight. Didn't want you to think you were getting 1978 grime along with your liquor."

"EWW!" she groaned, making a face. He grinned at her cheerily. "The thought of some 70's funk is NOT appealing... And I don't mean music..."

"Choose a seat, love. Parties just about to start," he grinned cheekily, motioning to the table. Like small stars, a few candles floating in a crystal bowl bathed the neatly set places for two in shimmering gold. In the background, she heard Japanese ko-tai music strumming delicately away. Paul pulled out one chair for her, and she sat down. He rushed over to the kitchen, and she saw him over the breakfast bar, stirring away at the kitchen island. Steam arose from something, and she smelled a medley of various oriental spices.

"I'm assuming you want a little of everything, correct?"

"Oh my gosh what DID you do?" she asked. He dished out the meal, pausing to lick sauce off his finger.

"Raided Christine's cookbooks," he answered, bringing a tray laden with various bowls and plates. He put it on the center of the table, where she noticed a lazy susan had been set.

"I'm surprised we aren't kneeling on the floor," she giggled.

"Well, considering what this knee's been through, you can understand why this bionic man isn't bending down," he teased. "Now, this is a little bit of carry out mixed in for good measure. And it's up to you to figure out which is which."

"Well let's see," she said, glancing at all the food. She rubbed her hands together, and smiled.

"I even made you that soup you like," he winked as he hands her a cup. "And Japanese tea, for good measure. Chopsticks?"

"Of course," she nodded, taking a pair of ivory ones carved with Japanese writing and small dragons. Paul picked up a matching pair, and waited for her to taste the sushi.

"This is so sweet of you, you didn't have to..." she mumbled between mouthfuls.

"And for desert...chocolate truffles. Not very Japanese of me, I know, but Christine reminded me how chocolate is an aphrodisiac." he chuckled.

"Oh jeez..." she sighed. He bustled around, serving her some tea, and then stopped to take her chin in his hand. She saw the dark eyes gleaming with reflected candlelight and desire. His lips descended on hers and she leaned up to accept the kiss. Charm oozed out of every pore, and she tried her best to relax and humor him. A logical conclusion to such a romantic preparation was that he had planned something equally romantic upstairs. Tonight more then all the other nights he was pulling out all the stops. Wine, candles, music, and eclectic taste equaled another attempt at pushing the envelope. This made her sad because she knew he was trying and she wants to, but she doesn't feel ready yet.

"Paul what IS all this?" she asked with a smile.

"What?" he said innocently, "I just knew you'd have a long day pounding the pavement and I figured you could stand for someone to spoil you."

"It is WONDERFUL," she sighed, patting her full stomach.

"And I'm the guy."

"It's absolutely wonderful... I wish I could think of a way to thank you..."

"I can think of a way," he cooed mischievously, eyes sparkling. She tried to hide her look of fear and sadness in a smile.

"I'm JOKING!" he interrupted quickly, moving closer to her to kiss her again.

"Ease up, love. I won't bite. Damn."

"Sorry," she apologized. "It's just been a long day, that's all."

"It was a long day here too," he answered, voice low.

"What did you do all day?" she teased. "Perfect your cooking?"

"I think I might need to find a new guitar tech," he sighed, putting a bit more sushi on his plate and digging in with his chopsticks. He handled them like a seasoned pro. "So basically my whole staff is bailing on me."

"I can't help you there," she said.

"I'm such an angel. I can't imagine WHY there's no line forming to wait on me," he said sarcastically.

"Beats me," she shrugged. "You still have Christine. And me if you need a dog sitter. OR a house sitter while you're away."

"Well, actually, I was hoping I wouldn't have to be away from you too long..." he answered, dark eyes looking carefully at her.

"You said you had a book signing coming up?" she asked, avoiding the issue again. "Yesterday you mentioned something about it..."

"I do. You interested?" he asked.

"Where is it?"

"Big Apple."

"Oh my god, that sounds exciting..." she gasped.

"I figure I can kill two birds with one stone...get some books sold and visit mom and dad before she makes good on her threat to come out here."

"OH,' she said, quietly, poking at the remaining sushi on her plate with her chopsticks pensively at the mention of his parents.

"And Gene's coming of course and that personal assistant of his...Maria or Mona or something like that. You two ladies could shop."

"I would love to sightsee... The empire state building, Lady Liberty... Ground Zero," she said.

"There ought to be a little time. Before the signing, we have a whole boatload of interviews, but afterward, we may be able to slip in enough time for a night on the town. Some of the nicer hotel rooms have Jacuzzi's," he said with a wink.

"Sounds nice,' she smiled. "But would I be there as your date or your assistant?"

He paused, mid chew. "I'm sure there'd be projects for you to do, if you want. And that way you can see if you love it or hate it."

"I can kinda see where this is going," she said. "I figured you would try to push the personal assistant thing again..."

"Not going anywhere, Jul," he dismissed with the wave of his free hand. "I just want you to have a fun vacation...and ME to have fun too."

"I'll try it,' she said with a resigned sigh. "But this is ONLY a test."

"And if you don't want to work on my stuff, I'll get Monica, or whatever her name is."

"I want to try, even if it's to stop you from bugging me," she holds up a hand.

"You'll stay in my room though...right?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, if you want me to," she said carefully.

"You KNOW I want you too, so just stop that right now." he teases as he leans closer to her.

"Sorry, force of habit..." she said quickly.

"Any time the question is, do I want you in my bed, the answer is ALWAYS yes."

"That's a relief..." she laughed.

"Besides... I have a VIP shopper card from Saks Fifth Avenue with your name on it," he teased.

"OH god... that EXPENSIVE store?" she gasped. "I couldn't... Unless you're hinting I need a new wardrobe?"

"Don't be silly, of course you can. This way you can get yourself something special and model it for me."

"Only if you give me a project to work on," she responded. "So it will come out of my 'pay' for the weekend..."

He leaned back in his chair, and put down his chopsticks, asking, "What type of project do you want?"

"Uh... what does a personal assistant do?" she asked. "Considering I have no IDEA what one does..."

"Whatever I tell her to do." he smiled. "Boring stuff... and cool stuff. I DO have one cool thing coming in."

"Well then, when do I start, and when is this trip?" she asked.

"The proofs from the photo session with Silvertone are supposed to be FedX'Ed over to me in New York. I need someone to sort through them and give me an expert opinion."

"I could do that... I suppose..."

"Because I only want the absolute BEST," he added firmly, an anal tone creeping into his voice that she didn't particularly care for.

"Of course... I get to look at yummy pics of you...' she teased him. "Sounds NICE."

"Well, it's not only nice pictures of me, but it also has to show off the guitar in its best possible light. I want the army to be SALIVATING over these babies..."

"And do I have to answer calls? And make reservations?" she plugged him.

"That's... uhhhh...usually part of it." He said, tearing off a bit of bread.

"But if you don't want to, it's not a big deal. At least not at this point."

"Hmm maybe Gene's assistant can help give me on the job training?" she ventured. "I'm TRYING here Paul... I really am..."

"Hopefully she's smarter than she looks," he muttered.

"It's the least I can do, since you've been so kind to offer me..."

"Of COURSE, you are, sweetheart. I just wish you'd let me spoil you more often. Make it a bit easier for me."

"But then it wouldn't be as fun would it?" she joked.

"Throw this old dog a bone," he smiled, as he sipped his sake.

"I'm going on the trip," she said. "That's the bone you're getting tonight..."

"Wonderful!" he cried as he leaned toward her to kiss her again. She kissed him back.

***

"The least I can do is at least give you a chance..."

"You mind...uh... booking the hotel for me?" he asked.

"Uh, what hotels are we looking at? Hilton, Ritz?" she looked in momentary horror and confusion.

"Gene likes the Ritz," he smiled. "And the Ritz likes Gene..."

"It's the only one I've heard of in New York," she said shyly. "I didn't know if it was TOO expensive or too obvious... In case of screaming fans... that is."

"I always get a penthouse room, no incoming calls except for my cell phone. Fresh fruit and champagne upon check-in. Juices and bottled water in the refrigerator. Coffee and rolls in the morning. Newspaper," he said, rattling off the list as she took her paper napkin and began to write notes in pen. "Oh, and they have those nice fluffy white robes. Get me one of those...and one for you too. And a Jacuzzi. I want a Jacuzzi."

"I'll have to get this on paper..." she mutters, getting her briefcase and retrieving a yellow legal pad.

"And of course, you need to get with Michelle--is that her damn name--and find out if the limo service has been booked."

"Uh, whom should I identify myself as representing when I call them?" she asked.

"Ask for Gerald when you call," he smiled. "He knows me and he always takes care of us. Tell him Mr. Eisen sent you."

"And any security? Like Chris, or Andre..." she asked. "I assume some of them will be contracted for the trip..."

"Call Doc's office tomorrow, love, and talk with Angie. I'm ASSUMING she's got it covered, but best to check just in case."

"As well as the local security?"

"Gerald will take care of that for you. Good call. Just make sure you remind him."

"Yes," she nodded, suddenly feeling very odd. Would this complicate or simplify matters, working for Paul when they were supposedly an item? "And the plane tickets? Or are you using the corporate jet?"

"Ask Angie. Doc's got it covered, from what Gene says."

"All right, and now Angie's numbers. And any contact numbers? I need to know them..."

"Oh, yeah, and call Mike Brandvoldt from KOL. He's going to be coming too to take some pictures."

"Ugh," she groaned. "I can't stand that guy... No offense..."

"Now, sweetie, he's just got a job to do."

"I know," she sighed. "Business is business..."

"It is. And PLEASURE is pleasure" he winks as he nuzzles her again. Suddenly she felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. What was she thinking? Originally, she had anticipated this as a distinct possibility, because Paul had said that Gene didn't care for girlfriends along on band business. She had hoped by trying the assistant angle, since Paul had been nagging her about it, that she could join him. It did sound like a wonderful opportunity, and yet she felt frustrated. What if she ended up in a compromising employee employer situation, when Paul clearly was attempting to get closer? That might prove far worse then simply going as his significant other. The can of worms she realized this opened made her skin crawl.

"Maybe it IS better if I go as your assistant," she said with a sigh. "Then those girls won't call me the Pal stealing bitch..."

"Meaning what?" he looked at her darkly, stopping his next mouthful of food. "I'm not really looking for this to be a platonic trip, quite honestly. Unless I'm wrong and you ARE."

"I don't know," she sighed, getting up from the table. "I'm sorry I said anything."

"And if it's a big deal, Christine can call all those people." he said, pointing at her notes.

"Fine then," she muttered. "Maybe THAT will be better..."

"Just thought it might be kind of cute, you doing it."

"I don't know if it would be smart for someone you're romantically involved with to be working with you... that's all... it might be... difficult..." she said finally. "What if something comes up, and we end up arguing..."

"Then we won't work together," he threw up his hands.

She got up quickly, pushing away her chair, and apologizing with her back to him, "I'm sorry... I said something wrong..."

"If I wanted a pencil pusher, I'd call Kelly Girls," Paul sighed. "I happen to want to spend time with you. That's the bottom line. This crap doesn't matter."

"That's precisely WHY I don't want to be an assistant," she said firmly, not facing him. "The idea of waiting on someone hand and foot... I just... it's not something I could do well. And double as a significant other. It just makes it too complicated. They work hard for you and Gene. And I want to work hard, but not for the man I'm in a relationship with. It's just too uncomfortable to be playing fetch and carry for you when you're trying to get romantically involved... it makes people wonder..."

He watched her for a moment, feeling badly. She felt him touch her shoulder and apologize, "I'm sorry. If this isn't appealing to you, I'll stop."

"I tried..." she whispered. "This... was what I was afraid of... that I'd make you angry and..."

"Shhhhhh, Jul, please. It's forgotten, OK. I won't mention it again. This will just be a fun trip...shopping, a nice meal, the whole nine yards."

"All right... I'm sorry..." she whispered.

"And you don't have to do anything for me. I'll find someone else."

"Maybe... some other time... when I feel... more up to it... The assistant thing that is... When I'm not so... confused..."

"Forget it, hon. Really, it's O,K" he said, rubbing her shoulders.

"I..." she started, then cursed herself for getting like this again. "Shit, here you made this nice dinner and I'm ending up being such a crybaby... I wish I could just stop and ENJOY it..."

Hot tears burned her cheeks, and she felt Paul's arms around her, reassuring and strong. He rocked her back and forth, shushing her as she cried for a few minutes. Finally, he whispered in her ear, "I have a better idea than sitting here and crying. How about we take dessert upstairs?"

"It's better if I go as your girlfriend," she whispered. "Less confusion... at this point... for me..."

"I have no problem with that," he said as he kissed her ear.

"But Gene might..." she said. "I've heard how he gets..."

"Gene thinks you'll get in the way," he rolled his eyes.

"But contrary to popular belief, I do whatever I want, whenever I want, and if I want to show a beautiful lady the sights, then damn it, I do it."

"I'm glad," she nodded. "Very glad."

"Don't worry about Gene," he whispered. "I'll take care of him. Now, any chance we can go upstairs and let me take care of YOU?"

"Sounds nice," she nodded, heart leaping with momentary worry. Would she disappoint him, if she couldn't work up the nerve to forget her inhibitions? So far he had been patient, but she could sense he was trying all the tricks to loosen her up and urge her to forget her fears. Why was she refusing him to go the next step? Or would he simply revert to their pattern of shared release?

She leaned up for a kiss, and Paul obliged. Midway through it she felt his strong arm under her back and knees, scooping her up. She is amazed at how strong he is. Julia gasped, "Paul..."

"Leave the driving to me, baby," he whispered with a smile on his face, carrying her up the flight of stairs.

When he reached the master bedroom door, he nudged it open with one foot. Into a soft cloud of incense and flickering candles he bore her, and her mouth dropped at the sight of rose petals scattered on the bed.

The realization hit her. He was hoping to reach the next step tonight. Her heart pounded in anticipation. Would she have the courage to go the distance? So far, she had hidden her inexperience from him, and she realized it was inexperience when she heard the wild stories that others had told of his exploits in bed. Finding those sex toys in his bottom drawer, the other day didn't help either. Chad had always said she didn't know much about lovemaking, so she might as well just sit still and let him show her how.

"Oh my god..." she gasped.

"Something a little different," Paul smiled, laying her delicately on the bed. "I was hoping you just might like it."

Sitting down next to her, he leaned down to remove his shoes, then started to unbutton his shirt. This action alerted her that he intended to be in charge. Unsure of what to do, she ran her hands over his chest. Why was she suddenly feeling so inadequate? Every night before she had watched him shed his clothes before, and climb into bed, where they had shared kisses and caresses.

Was it because he was suddenly taking it to the next level, with romantic dinner and charms? Instead of simply walking upstairs hand in hand to sleep in the same bed, with no preconceived notions except what might evolve on its own? Perhaps that was it, Julia reasoned, as he kissed her neck, and began to unbutton her shirt. He pulled off her stockings, and she lay there, letting him undress her as she felt the sexual energies overpowering her. This was the Starchild in him, performing this romantic conquest, not simply Paul who would share a joke or two, and watch a movie, eating peanut butter cups and cuddling. He was performing for her, romancing her with the fine tuned techniques honed by years of liaisons with perhaps his fair share of women.

"I've been waiting for this all damn day," he whispered. "For so long I've wanted you like this...and now it's time for me to please you and tease you like I've desperately wanted to... you'll be a legend tonight... you and me..."

The realization dawned. What if she failed to live up to his expectations? Perhaps it would be better to simply surrender, and let him take full charge. Let him have her, then get it over with. Leaning her back in the bed he climbed on top of her, his kisses hard and demanding. The growing lump of his passion in his pants rubbed against her belly and legs, as he pulled off her shirt, and unhooked her bra like a pro. Hands caressed her breasts and body, sending shivers of desire that brought tears to her eyes.

Sex was definitely on his mind. The carefully measured touches of a pro seemed so sweet, and yet so bitter when she wondered if she dared respond. It wouldn't be good enough to please him. If not, only a few nights of this and he'd bore himself with her. Like Chad... or any other man...

She lay back, passively letting him have his way. After all, wasn't it what men wanted? Surrendering to him, and waiting to receive what he was going to give. Paul moved his mouth over hers again, teasing open her lips. He hoped to enflame some passion in her, realizing she was not responding.

"Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yes," she whispered back, trying to keep the tears from filling her eyes.

"And how much I want you, little lady?" he asked, panting.

"I know," she nodded. She lay there, angry with herself for not knowing what to do, but afraid to say no, because she knows he wants it badly.

"Tell me how much you want me," he prodded.

"So much... you have no idea," she choked. "I am yours to do with what you will."

He reached down to unbuckle his belt. Julia squeezed shut her eyes, waiting for him to part her legs and plunge inside. Leaning close he whispered, "I want to make love to you.... Let me know how much you want me..."

Kissing her bared breasts, he kissed a path to her belly, and lightly ran his fingers over her skin. She had her eyes shut tightly, tensing up for what was to come. Of course, it would be wonderful, but why did she feel so inadequate?

"I wonder what would happen if I watched you reach orgasm?" he teased, seductively. "Are you hot for me as I am for you? Will you scream for me when I make you cum?"

"I..." she stammered, realizing that he would probably know the difference between a woman faking an orgasm and a real one. After all, he had made love to many women, and this wasn't some guy who had no clue. Paul was a master at lovemaking. Her inexperience and frigidity would be unmasked, leaving her ashamed.

"Tell me baby, tell me what you want... make me hot," he cooed.

"I'm not able to..." she stammered, breath rasping in sobs. "I can't come... you might as well know now..."

He continued to lick her nipples, then what she said registered. Pulling his head up for a moment, he looked at her. "That's Chad's fault, not yours, you know"

"It is my fault," she whispered. "I can never... cum." she whispered.

"A good lover would make sure you came," Paul insisted, cupping her face tenderly with his hand. She nodded, tears in her eyes.

"I can when I pleasure myself... but WHY can I never... when I'm with a man?"

"I want to be that person, Julia," he urged. "Let me show you."

"I'm not... good enough," she answered flatly, choking inside. The fear and self-loathing crept in, and she wanted to be far away from him, away from a mood that was ruined by her inadequacy. Hating herself for saying it.

"No, no one's taken the time with you, that's all," Paul shushed her. "No one's treated you like you should be treated. I REALLY want to sleep with you, Jul..."

"So do I, but I can't..." she sobbed, turning on her side and curling up into a ball. "God forgive me but I can't..."

Paul sighed deeply, sitting up in bed, head in his hand. Shaking his head and sighing he muttered, "Crap... I'm sorry..."

"I'm so sorry..." she sobbed, with her back to him. "I've disappointed you..."

"Don't be... sorry," he said flatly, pushing the covers aside. "I came on too damn strong. I screwed up."

"Paul... you... were trying so hard, I felt like you were performing, and I could never live up to your standard..."

"Honey, that's ridiculous... Maybe you don't want me, Julia?" he said sadly. "I guess I feel...I feel like if I truly rocked your world, I could make you love me. That's you'd want to."

"I feel like such a failure, why can't I let you make love to me," she sobbed. "But it's like I know I'll never be good enough... You have done so many things for me... that no man has..." she gets out.

"Never mind. That's stupid," he said, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I feel horrible not letting myself love you... it is horrible. Of me... but I just can't..." she sobbed, rocking back and forth. He watched her for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"I guess we go forward," he sighed as he reached out to tentatively touch her, "I'm not sure we have a damn choice."

She caught hold of him, sobbing into his chest. He hugged her tightly, rubbing her head. She whispered, "And what makes it worse... is... I think I'm falling in love with you..."

He smiled at his reflection in the mirror. She did love him. He whispered the words that he wanted to say for so long, "I think I've already fallen."

"Paul, I WILL want to make love to you, sometime," she whispered as he held her tenderly. "I promise I'll TRY... but I beg you, don't try so hard. You don't have to impress me or seduce me or sweep me off my feet. I already care for you so much... you will have to not give up on me... show me how... but we'll have to try slowly."

"But when you're ready and not just because I'm pestering you to death" he sighs.

"Yes," she whispered.

"Which I've been terribly guilty as of late."

"I suppose you're so used to having a woman open herself up to you... it's not easy when you get someone like me... is it?" she laughed, wiping her eyes.

"In my head, I've made love to you a million times, and there are days that it just seems absurd that it's not real."

"Would you believe... that... I have no idea WHAT to do... other then just sit still when someone is having sex with me?" she said shyly, glancing up at him as he stroked her hair. "Other then kissing, touching, and foreplay..."

"Open herself up to me literally, well, yeah," he smiled. She was embarrassed to talk about these things. "But to truly get to know someone, that takes a while. Even I cant' do that in a night or two."

"That's why I want to wait..." she whispered. "I can't just have sex with a man... and not know him..."

"I kind of gathered that your ex-lovers used to like it when you were lying there, straight as a board."

"I can't make love to a man, unless I know who he is, and how he will treat me... And I KNOW you'd be wonderful, I just know it... I dream..."

"Some day, I'll do something and you'll be able to trust me," he sighed.

"I do trust you when you touch me in my most private places," she blushed. "Chad has NEVER bothered to pleasure me like that... "

"If you're using Chad as your measuring device, it will be years before you let yourself go," Paul snorted. "Face it, Julia. The guy was a total idiot."

"Yes..." she nodded, then reached a decision. "Paul, can you do something for me?"

"What love?" he asked.

"I wish... I would like to know what it's like for a man to give me a very INTIMATE kiss... that much I can trust you with..."

He looked at her for a moment, then pulled himself up to kiss her lightly. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, go down on me, please me, and show me how to pleasure you..." she whispered.

"You won't be sorry," he breathed. "Lie down and relax."

Click on the link below to read the NC17part, only if you're of age, please! You have been warned.