Royal Namekian Blues

By StarbearerTM

Another What if A/U

Rating PG13 for language and implied mature content. No lemon though, just a citrus twist.

Disclaimer: I don’t' own Dragon Ball Z, Toriyama does, and Funimation. I don't get rich or make any money, and this means no harm to the anime or manga. It is fan fiction.

Bunny Briefs screamed, and then stood shaking in the front yard. From behind her, Yamcha rushed frantically up to see where she was pointing and waiving. A smoking crater filled the front grass, kicking up a pile of dirt in a semicircle. Capsule 4 lay partly on its side, steaming from the impact.

"Oh MY!" cried Mrs. Briefs. "The ship, it's returned!"

"What the hell is going on?" Yamcha asked as he rushed out on the front lawn.

"The spaceship's back. He’ll want his coffee," Bunny said, nervously pouring several cups. "But I don't think you should stand there just yet."

"Mrs. Briefs, stay back," Yamcha exclaimed, flipping over and landing on both feet between her and the slowly opening hatch ten yards from the pathway.

"It's Vegeta… he was looking for Goku!" Puar said.

"VEGETA? He was HERE? Puar, WHEN?"

"He took the craft two weeks ago. Bulma said…"

"What was he doing here?" Yamcha demanded.

"Maybe I should make some coffee?" Mrs. Briefs said, trembling as she poured tea all over herself.

"Stay BACK! If that monster comes close, I'll…" Yamcha snapped. "Bulma, STAY inside!"

"What? Excuse me!" Bulma yelled.

"Puar, keep her inside!" Yamcha yelled. The purple cat flitted back and forth, squealing in confusion and frustration.

As the door slid open, a very annoyed Vegeta stumbled out the hatch. He peered around at the reception committee on the lawn. His eyes rested on the new arrival standing between him and Bunny Briefs. She waved up to him, trembling with fear as she laughed, while the weakling humanoid he'd smelled in the room next to Bulma's rushed into view. Yamcha was what he called her; one of the Earth's Special Forces and a challenge to Vegeta's territory. A small frown crept over the Prince's features. This insult could not go unpunished.

"Yoo-hoo! You're back! Do you want some coffee?" Bunny waved.

"Stay BACK!" Yamcha shouted, pushing past Bulma's mother. "Vegeta, what are you doing here?"

His hands formed fists as Yamcha swung into a defensive stance. Dark eyes in his scarred face twisted in anger. Vegeta smelled fear and outrage on the rival male posturing in his rightful territory. Why had Bulma permitted this loser on the grounds? Unless Yamcha had somehow harmed her. Whatever the case, he needed to assert his dominance and quickly. Flipping over, Vegeta landed right in front of the human male. He rested his hands on his hips, and glared up at the Z fighter.

"I should ask you the same thing, loser," Vegeta said gruffly. He raised two fingers on his right hand, letting a small spark of blue ki spark at their tips.

"What do you WANT?" Yamcha snapped his back leg tensing. He raised both hands, flickering with a low level of ki that made Vegeta laugh with disgust.

"I failed to find Kakarotto, but pounding YOU might be JUST the therapy I need," said Vegeta, increasing the power at his gloved fingertips. He advanced on Yamcha, who quickly backed away.

"Now HOLD on. Don’t be hasty, you were looking for Goku?" Yamcha panted.

"Did I stutter, you moron? I was looking for Kakarotto! Have YOU seen him?" Vegeta barked. A fizzling zap crackled just before Yamcha's face, only startling him, nothing more.

"Wait… you were looking for GOKU? No, I haven't seen him," spluttered Yamcha shocked that Vegeta had actually gone in search of his rival.

"Shit, I was afraid of that. But I suppose that you'll have to do, weakling," said Vegeta. "Considering you're trespassing where you're not wanted."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Yamcha yelled. "I LIVE here!"

"Not for long, you low life piece of trash," said Vegeta with a grin.

Bunny's knees shook at the gleaming blue energy surging around Vegeta's fist. Equally as threatening was the way in which Yamcha was crossing both wrists in front of his chest. Golden energies crackled into a flat disc separating him from the advancing Prince.

Bulma opened the front door, gasping in horror at the scene before her. Vegeta and Yamcha were facing off, ready to let off a series of explosions. She swallowed hard, knowing she had to act quickly. Taking a deep breath, she raced across the lawn towards them. Puar hovered nearby, squealing with fear.

"Hey! Boys!" Bulma cried. "What the hell is that horrible smell?"

"Bulma, stay back!" Yamcha cried, as she pushed past him and rushed up to Vegeta.

"So, mind telling me what this clown is doing here?" he asked, resting his hands on his hips. "I understand that he hasn't seen Kakarotto, so I don't think he has much of a point in BEING here."

"Vegeta, don't be a twerp, he showed up unexpected," Bulma said, standing less than six inches in front of the prince. She poked a finger on his armored chest. To Yamcha and Puar's surprise, Vegeta lowered his hand to reabsorb the ki back into his glove.

"Humph," Vegeta answered, flustered because of the fact he'd missed her, and that she'd permitted this fool to even come close.

"First things first, you boys have to play nice in the house. Don’t go throwing energy bolts around, got it? That means you too, Yamcha!"

"Bulma what the HELL are you…"

"Language! You behave yourself!" Bunny stammered.

"I suppose you have some explanation for this, Bulma," Vegeta snorted, resting his hands on his hips.

"Well I don't know about YOU but you need a BATH, bud! You're all dirty, as usual," she said, motioning to him. "Or are you going to be impolite in front of a lady? Such manners!"

"Now wait a damn minute!" Vegeta snorted, clenching his fist.

"C'mon now, are you waiting for the red carpet or what?" she teased, winking at him. She turned around and motioned to him.

"Of all the impertinence… that's NO way to greet the Prince of…" he snarled.  "Give me a fucking BREAK!"

“Bath, now, your Highness!" Bulma motioned. "This way."

"I'm going to get you for this, LATER," Vegeta grumbled under his breath, stomping after her.

"Am I seeing things?" Yamcha gaped, watching as Vegeta stomped off after Bulma. Like a frustrated child that was being led to detention he clenched his fists at his side and walked with his head slightly bowed. Disbelief filled his face, leaving unanswered questions in the young man's mind.

"Vegeta's totally at her mercy," Puar squeaked.

"Uh huh. I can't believe she just bossed him around and survived. What the HELL did I miss?" Yamcha murmured. He blinked, pinching himself to see if he wasn't dreaming.

"Would you like lemon with your tea?" Mrs. Briefs asked, pushing a cup into his hand. Mumbling Yamcha followed her in a daze.

Out on the veranda Oolong sat underneath the shade of an umbrella, while Krillin leaned back sipping on a grape soda. Both of them saw Yamcha stumbling in a daze through the sliding door, while Bunny glanced over his shoulder.

"Here they are… why don't you sit down with the rest of your little friends and Bulma will be RIGHT with you," Bunny suggested.

"Where's Vegeta?" Yamcha asked. "IS he…"

"Taking a shower I guess," said Mrs. Briefs. "Sit down and have some tea! I didn't expect so many people. I'll have to make sure there's plenty to barbecue."

She disappeared, while Yamcha flopped into the chair directly across from Oolong. Both he and the pig were sideways with respect to the sliding glass door, while Krillin had his back to it. They shook their heads, unsure of what to say next. Puar drifted over and sat near Oolong.

"Okay, someone want to TELL me what the HELL Vegeta is doing here?" asked Yamcha, combing his fingers through his hair violently.

"Oh man have YOU been out of it," Oolong laughed. He chugged on a freshly opened can of beer.

"I just GOT here, guys," he snorted, grabbing the beer that Puar handed him. "Unlike SOME people!"

"Well let's just say things have changed a little," Krillin blinked nervously.

"How so?"

"Tell him about the dream Bulma told you about… where she saw the Prince of major pain?" laughed Oolong. "What sucked is I wanted DETAILS and she left out the good part!"

"Uh, Oolong I don't think that's the right time to bring that up," Puar squealed.

"DREAM? Bulma was dreaming about VEGETA?" Yamcha exploded. "What the devil is going on here?"

"Wouldn't you like to know stud?" Oolong laughed. "Are you jealous?"

"HELLO!" Yamcha yelled at him. "Excuse me if I don't FOLLOW."

"There's a good reason why… I thought you told him!" Krillin glared at Puar.

"He didn't give me a chance!" Puar whined.

"Chance to what? Guys, stop bullshitting me!" Yamcha yelled.

"Um, why don't we ask Bulma to explain?" said Oolong with a grin. "I'm sure you'll get a kick out of this."

"You're a jerk," Krillin said, glaring at him sidelong.

"Yamcha, we need to talk," said Bulma quietly, standing in the open door. Everyone turned to face her, blinking with various expressions ranging from shock to annoyance.

"Bulma, is it true? These clowns said you were dreaming about VEGETA?" Yamcha exclaimed, sitting on the edge of his chair in anger.

"Yes," she blushed. "I wanted to talk to you about that, but you were being your usual annoying self. You didn't give me a chance to explain."

"Bulma, level with me. Was that maniac living here?" Yamcha demanded. Bulma wandered over to the grill and set a few plates nearby. She opened another folding chair and set it next to the other near the grill. This forced Oolong to move over.

"Um maybe I'd better sit someplace else?" Krillin mumbled.

"No, this is the best view in the house," Oolong whispered to him. Krillin jabbed the pig in the belly with a snort.

"He had no other place to go, so I invited him to stay here with the Namekians. What was I supposed to do, let him sleep in the street?" she asked.

"But he's…" Yamcha spluttered. He saw Bulma pilling several plates high with massive portions of food on a smaller side table; right in front of one of the new chairs she's unfolded. The implication was very clear. She had been expecting Vegeta all along, and the chair he'd sat in was meant not for Yamcha but the Prince.

"He's been behaving himself, strangely enough," said Puar.

"That's right. HE hasn't blown up anything, yet," Krillin shrugged. "Besides, he's more worried about finding Goku. That’s where he's been for the past two weeks… up in space looking for him till now."

"I can't believe this," Yamcha groaned.

"HEY! HELLO out there!" demanded a distant voice. "Can you HEAR me?"

"Excuse me," Bulma said, pushing past Yamcha.

"I can hear you! I have a NAME! It's BULMA!" she yelled at the top of her lungs, hands on her hips.

"Fetch me a drying cloth! You forgot to put them OUT again!" Vegeta's voice echoed.

"Say please and I MIGHT consider it!" she yelled back.

"Grrr, forget it then!" was the reply. Yamcha slowly shook his head, blinking at Krillin. All of them had a ringside seat to this because they were just off Bulma's private balcony in the upstairs apartments. Unlike the rest of the rooms, it had its own enlarged spaces. IT dawned on them that Vegeta was in her private bathroom of all places.

"The one with the industrial strength spa shower," mumbled Oolong. "Nice…"

"What's he doing in THERE?" Yamcha spluttered.

"Taking a shower, what do you think?" Krillin said with a chuckle.

"Stupid jerk can drip dry for all I care. Excuse me… this will only take a minute guys…" Bulma snorted, digging her fingers into her hips as she stood there impatiently. She tapped her foot, and cleared her throat a few times till the sounds of the shower ceased. Another series of shouts erupted from the bathroom beyond, causing everyone on the balcony to tremble in fear.

"Is this some kind of a JOKE?" Vegeta bellowed, his voice sounding closer. Oolong and Krillin exchanged glances, staring around Yamcha to see Vegeta's shadow pass across the half open door, visible over Bulma's shoulder.

"I think he found the new outfit I got him," Bulma said matter of fact.

"Wait, you got him an outfit?" Yamcha asked. "You buy MY clothes!"

"Not the pink shirt Bulma!" Krillin said quietly. "You really don't think he's going to wear THAT do you?"

"What the HELL is this all about, Bulma? You'd better have a GOOD explanation for this, or else I'll…" Vegeta shouted, his voice clearer this time.

"It's called FASHION, your Highness? And I thought since you're ROYALTY you'd APPRECIATE the finer things this planet has to offer!" Bulma called back. "OR do you want to run around nude!"

"You vulgar, low class female!" Vegeta snarled. "Fine then."

"This is just unreal," Yamcha muttered weakly, sinking into a chair.

"Are you going to drink that?" Oolong asked, pointing to his beer.

"Nope I need it more than you do," Yamcha said with a sigh. He lifted the can and chugged half of it in one gulp.

"These garments are PINK! I'm a warrior, not some variety of fucking FLOWER!" Vegeta shouted, storming out in full view of the patio doorway in his new clothes. Pink cloth stretched across his chest, revealing his muscular compact chest, while the yellow pants contoured his powerful thighs. Dampness still misted on his spiky hair. Puar and Oolong took one look and burst out laughing.

"I've seen it with my own eyes and I don't believe it. Vegeta in normal clothes," Krillin laughed.

"Hey, it looks GREAT on you!" Bulma laughed, clapping her hands together.

"Why you… you…" he snarled.  "I'm going to…"

Just then, he sounded like some little kid who was furious because he was being picked on. If everyone weren't afraid for their lives, they'd be giggling at the Prince ranting and throwing a tantrum worthy of a spoiled brat. Making a fist, he clenched his teeth and panted heavily. His chest heaved in and out under the pink cloth that was tightly but nicely stretched over his muscular chest. Hunching over, Vegeta trembled with rage and humiliation.

"You smell nice now," Bulma smiled, winking at him.

Oolong snickered, hiding his laughter but failed miserably. Puar spluttered next followed by Yamcha sitting back in his chair. Even Krillin joined in, unable to help himself because Vegeta seemed so normal just then and there. Gone was the destroyer of worlds, replaced by a stuck up snob who was throwing a fit because he wasn't getting his way.

"Just like some lost kid," Krillin whispered to Yamcha, holding his sides because he was hurting from laughing so hard.

"I know, it's great. It’s almost worth the pain he's going to inflict blasting us," Yamcha howled.

"I… this is… stop LAUGHING!" he yelled as he stormed up to her. "Shut up or I'll blast ALL of you!"

"Relax," Bulma said, moving quickly to his side and resting her hand on his shoulder. She gave it a gentle squeeze, blocking their view of him with her body. Her blue eyes fixed into his, willing him to be calm as they darted all over his muscular form.

"You…" he stammered. "This is ridiculous! I spend two weeks of my time looking for Kakarotto and THIS is the thanks I get?"

"You look gorgeous, Vegeta. Forget what they think. They're not making fun of you," she whispered in his ear. "Now just relax and join us. I've got shish kabobs."

"With those losers?" Vegeta spluttered, pointing at them. "Especially THAT clown? Are you serious?"

"Vegeta, fighting all the time isn't fun. You have to relax and enjoy yourself. Come on, if you don't like it you can go train in your new GR. Just sit down and eat something. I know you're starving," said Bulma, guiding him onto the porch. She took his hand in hers, walking him around to the empty chair just next to Oolong.

"Um, why don't you take this chair? I'll sit over here," the pig stammered, getting up and dragging his chair around to Krillin's other side. This left Vegeta plenty of room to sit directly beside the grill.

"At least SOMEONE knows some manners," Vegeta grunted, settling himself in the empty chair. Bulma set down the plates of food piled high with the excess shish kabobs. Then she settled in the chair next to him, sneaking some of the food off his plate to nibble on.

"Yeah Vegeta, pull up a seat. Tell us if you've seen Goku or not?" Krillin said. "You look cool."

"You'd better not be bullshitting me, Baldie," Vegeta glared at him.

"IT IS the latest fashion. I mean look at what he's wearing. At least you're not stuck in a pink Hawaiian shirt as Goku was. Now that’s terrible," Yamcha blurted out, hoping to mollify Vegeta.

"Humph, I suppose as long as I don't look as ludicrous as Kakarotto does, but he'd better show up after all the trouble I went through! I sensed his ki, and something else that's pissing me off!" Vegeta grumbled.

"Wait with us and see," Bulma said, handing him a plate, and a freshly prepared milkshake.

"Thank you," Vegeta mumbled, not looking at her. She gave him a smile and nod, and Vegeta breathed deeply to center himself. Yamcha sighed deeply, glancing at Puar. His friend nodded sadly, not needing to say much more than what was painfully obvious. OR was it just Bulma being overly friendly so the Prince of Saiyans wouldn't blow them sky high?